Rags lost - put all your jokes in here

Job going as a panel beater in Manchester,
Wage negotiable.

Job description: Putting roof back on open top bus
Location: old trafford
 
there was only one happy untied fan last night.... the one who got stabbed and missed the game
 
"UPDATE ON SWINE FLU: THERE ARE 30,000 UNITED FANS PIG SICK IN ROME"
this isnt a joke btw, but has any one else heard about ronaldo saying he doesnt know where he'll be next season?
 
Lionel Messi has reported that his house was burgled last night .
Italian police suspect the Man Utd midfield as they were nowhere to be seen from 7:30 - 10:00PM .
 
i know the bloke who was on granada reports and in the Mirror with the horsebox he converted to take him and 9 other rags over to rome. he said the only downside was that they wouldn't be back in time for the victory parade.

just text him and said ' take your time travelling back. by the way, what's it like in your horsebox? a bit Messi?'.

strangely enough, i've had no reply. from him or any rags. not that good a being humbled are they?
 
United have cancelled their runners up parade. A spokesman said its not fair for the fans to travel all the way to Rome and then have to travel to Manchester aswell.
 
Italian police are searching for 10 men in white shirts missing since 20:54 local time. They were last seen looking for a football
 

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