Rags lost - put all your jokes in here

Looks like some Man U fan took offence at the Open Top Bus parade being called off and took matters in his own hands
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/feedarticle/8529398" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/feedarticle/8529398</a>
 
lstock.jpg
 
A Man Utd fan dies goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt.
He knocks on the pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"I'm sorry" says St Peter, "no Man Utd fans allowed in heaven."
"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the man.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St. Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now fuck off you rag twat".
 
ive just heard the terrible news that messi"s house was broken into during the game..... police have made a statement that they would like to question the man utd midfield, as they were nowwhere to be seen between the hours of 19.45 and 22.00
 
anybody got a spare welder for a couple of hrs, theres a bus in manchester needs its top welding back on
 
for sale, 150,000 printed t-shirts: MAN UTD QUINTULE WINNERS 2009. contact a. ferguson.... or apply online at <a class="postlink" href="http://www.over-" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">www.over-</a> confident bastards. com
 

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