Sexual failures

I once pulled a bird that used to work in McDonald's, my mate used to chat away to her as we were all quite young. About 17 or so.

Anyway, advance a few years later and I see her out with some pals. Blonde hair, big titties, cracking arse on her - absolute belter. So she and her pals come sit with us and my mates immediately start chatting up her pals. End up having a wee kiss then agree to go back to mine.

So all is going well. Clothes are off. She's lying on yer back and my heads between two cracking long legs. So I go up to kiss her. I shit you not, as soon as my willy touches her my nose explodes and starts bleeding everywhere. She starts screaming, I'm trying to calm her down and the whole thing turns into a massive clusterfuck. Like the scene from Carrie.

Needless to say, I got the fucking thing clauterised soon after. Still half laugh, half shake my head in what might have been.
 
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Blue Mist said:
As the OP (@Cellarite ) has risen (pun intended) to my challenge it is only right I contribute.
I was about 21, I had just moved to a new flat so of course there had to be a flat warming. Various mates and quite a few girls turned up and there was one who was particularly stunning with possibly the nicest breasts I have ever seen/kissed/licked.
As the booze flowed I went from beer to whisky and to her. Amazingly she fancied me, I know, I know and soon we were off into my bedroom. We got up to just about everything and I was as hard as they come, only I didn't.
No matter what I did I just couldnt come. I satisfied her, well hell I'd been there for half an hour, but I'm sure you will agree, that is not the point.
In the end she untangled herself, rolled onto her side and went to sleep.
Frustrated wasn't the word but I consoled myself with the fact we could try again in the morning...................Nope, she was up and off out the door before I could say 'See you again sometime ?'
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There’s quite a few anti-depressants which have that affect. You feel great that you can satisfy her but it’s as frustrating as hell when you can’t come. In the end she says she’s too sore to continue. A couple of mates joked that I must have felt like a porn star but porn stars are able to come when they want virtually on command.
 
TueartsOHK said:
There’s quite a few anti-depressants which have that affect. You feel great that you can satisfy her but it’s as frustrating as hell when you can’t come. In the end she says she’s too sore to continue. A couple of mates joked that I must have felt like a porn star but porn stars are able to come when they want virtually on command.
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Prozac can have that effect. Apparently.
 
richardtheref said:
When I was about 21 a few of us used to go to an alternative music night club. One Saturday my friend pulled a beautiful goth lass. The next day he came round my house on the night and told me she was the most experimental he had ever had and was the best night of his life. So he stopped at my house that night & the next day he woke me up shouting "you cannot believe this, look out the window". There she was outside my house in a school uniform waiting for the school bus.
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@jimharri we have our first “my mate” story.
 
When I was 18 I pulled an absolute stunner. Blonde, booby, leggy and 24. Family were minted as well. Got back to her's and she disappeared to the bathroom only to re-appear dressed in white stockings, high heels and a half cup basque. I couldn't get undressed quick enough. She then spent 10 minutes blowing me before riding me like a government mule. I lasted 5 minutes before the vinegar strokes hit.

As my wilting member slipped out of her she said the following...

"You might have a big cock but you don't know how to use it."

I quickly dressed and left. Never saw her again but her words haunted me for years.
 
BimboBob said:
When I was 18 I pulled an absolute stunner. Blonde, booby, leggy and 24. Family were minted as well. Got back to her's and she disappeared to the bathroom only to re-appear dressed in white stockings, high heels and a half cup basque. I couldn't get undressed quick enough. She then spent 10 minutes blowing me before riding me like a government mule. I lasted 5 minutes before the vinegar strokes hit.

As my wilting member slipped out of her she said the following...

"You might have a big cock but you don't know how to use it."

I quickly dressed and left. Never saw her again but her words haunted me for years.
Click to expand...
Fucking hell, the first half of that story had me approaching vinegar strokes.
 
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