Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Was it a 2 stroke...??
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Sexual failures
- Thread starter Cellarite
- Start date
Was it a 2 stroke...??
Cellarite
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What the fuck did I just read?Posted this a while ago on me trip to Kent
I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.
Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.
About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.
Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!
Fair play sharing that.
Kinkladze 1
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Respect.Posted this a while ago on me trip to Kent
I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.
Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.
About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.
Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!
Barcon
Well-Known Member
Haha, Not far from it mate.Was it a 2 stroke...??
Cellarite
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Big Louise was a friend of one of my group's girlfriend (Nat) back when we were 18ish. Her nickname doesn't do her justice, she wasn't fat, she was just a big girl - tall, big hips, big tits, round arse...
One Friday night, we were all out and one of the lads, let's say Mike, was getting into her at the end of the night and ended up taking her home. He shagged Big Louise and was telling us all the next day how he left his condom inside as another poster has admitted to and had to go fishing. Whilst we were sat drinking and having a laugh, Nat came in the pub and was intrigued to hear that Mike had shagged Big Louise the night before.
Later in the week, Nat told our mate that Mike was the worst shag Big Lou had ever had and she wouldn't be going there again.
A few weeks went by and we were all out again. This time, it was my turn to have a go at cracking the Big Louise conundrum. I took her back to my flat and put in my best performance - I took my socks off, cuddled her afterwards, the works - I couldn't be ranked lower than Mike.
Days later, Nat found out that her mate had slept with me and went off to get the latest report. The news wasn't good. The next time Nat was in the pub with us, she asked if I'd definitely had a go on Big Lou as she couldn't remember a thing. she remembered coming back and waking up with me but fuck all else.
Mike was in his element - "You shit bastard. She might've said I was her worst shag ever but at least she remembered it!"
One Friday night, we were all out and one of the lads, let's say Mike, was getting into her at the end of the night and ended up taking her home. He shagged Big Louise and was telling us all the next day how he left his condom inside as another poster has admitted to and had to go fishing. Whilst we were sat drinking and having a laugh, Nat came in the pub and was intrigued to hear that Mike had shagged Big Louise the night before.
Later in the week, Nat told our mate that Mike was the worst shag Big Lou had ever had and she wouldn't be going there again.
A few weeks went by and we were all out again. This time, it was my turn to have a go at cracking the Big Louise conundrum. I took her back to my flat and put in my best performance - I took my socks off, cuddled her afterwards, the works - I couldn't be ranked lower than Mike.
Days later, Nat found out that her mate had slept with me and went off to get the latest report. The news wasn't good. The next time Nat was in the pub with us, she asked if I'd definitely had a go on Big Lou as she couldn't remember a thing. she remembered coming back and waking up with me but fuck all else.
Mike was in his element - "You shit bastard. She might've said I was her worst shag ever but at least she remembered it!"
WTF!!! Wasn’t expecting that endingPosted this a while ago on me trip to Kent
I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.
Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.
About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.
Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!
not as much as you weren’t though
jimharri
Moderator
It needs mentioning; the lack of pictures of the ladies involved in these failures is somewhat troubling.
Millwallawayveteran1988
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- 23 Sep 2010
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Posted this a while ago on me trip to Kent
I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.
Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.
About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.
Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!
That is going to take some beating! I almost spat my tea out laughing then !!
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
True, however, if you were the lady/ladies in question would you allow yourself to be photographed whilst your suitor was having a fag and you hadn't even removed your slingbacks.It needs mentioning; the lack of pictures of the ladies involved in these failures is somewhat troubling.
Last edited:
Mazzarelli's Swiss Cheese
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Were you at no point alerted to your conquest being a chap by the presence of a penis and testicles?Posted this a while ago on me trip to Kent
I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.
Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.
About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.
Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!