Its comedy gold. Ill highlight my favourate bits so far:
Footballer Anton Ferdinand told a court on Monday that he found alleged racist abuse by John Terry "very hurtful".
England and Chelsea defender Terry, 31, is accused of calling Ferdinand a "f****** black c***" during a Premier League match last October.
On Monday, QPR player Ferdinand told Westminster Magistrates' Court that initially he did not think any racist terms had been used.
But after the match his girlfriend at the time played him a YouTube clip, and he became convinced that one had.
Ferdinand told the court that if he had realised at the time he would have told officials.
He said: "I would have been obviously very hurt and I probably wouldn't have reacted at the time because, being a professional, you can't do that. I probably would have let the officials know what happened and dealt with it after the game.
"When someone brings your colour into it, it takes it to another level and it's very hurtful."
Chelsea were down to nine men in the clash at Loftus Road on October 23, and Ferdinand and Terry began trading insults over a penalty claim, the court heard.
Ferdinand said: "He called me a c*** and I called him a c*** back and he gave me a gesture as if to say my breath smelled.
"I said to him 'How can you call me a c***? You sh***** your team-mate's missus, you're a c***'." (So he can dish it out but cant take it boo hoo)
This was a reference to Terry's alleged affair with Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, Vanessa Perroncel.
Ferdinand jogged down the pitch making a fist gesture to imply sex, he told the court.
After the match, Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole told him: "You can't talk to JT like that."
Terry then met Ferdinand to ask what had happened.
"Mr Terry said 'Do you think I racially abused you?' I was like 'No'," Ferdinand told the court.
"I said 'No, that never came out of my mouth'. Then Ashley Cole popped his head round and said 'Yeah, didn't you say that to me?' I said 'I didn't say that at all'."
He agreed it was just "handbags", and "banter", the court heard.
However, when he later viewed film footage of the incident, he believed a racist term had been used.
Terry is accused of a racially aggravated public order offence, which he denies. He maintains that he was only sarcastically repeating what Ferdinand wrongly thought he had said.
Ferdinand said he was no stranger to being sworn at and under cross-examination from George Carter-Stephenson QC agreed he had also sworn at players.
The QPR defender said he was angry at Terry trying to get a penalty and "he barged me in the back for no reason", he said.
The barrister told Ferdinand he has a tendency to "paint yourself in the best light".
Asked why he was so angry with Terry appealing for a penalty, Ferdinand, describing himself as a "calm, collected player", said: "Because I am a winner." (hahahahahahahahahahah)
Ferdinand added that he was angry because Terry had made a hand gesture at him indicating he had bad breath.
Proceedings in Court One have been punctuated by swear words but Ferdinand insisted he did not use those words off the pitch.
The QC asked the witness if by shouting abuse at him he was "trying to get a rise out of Mr Terry and get him to react?"
"Probably, yes," said Ferdinand. "There wasn't long left in the game."
Doreen Lawrence, mother of murdered black teenager Stephen Lawrence, attended Monday's hearing and sat in the public gallery. (Why?)
Mr Carter-Stephenson suggested that Ferdinand made up the allegation of racism as swearing at him and talking about his alleged affair was not having "the desired effect" of winding Terry up. Ferdinand denied this.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said: "So you decided to increase the level and accuse him of being a racist."
"No," said Mr Ferdinand.
"Words to the effect of 'calling me a black c***'."
"No," said the player.
"And he responded to it, didn't he?" the barrister continued.
Again, Ferdinand answered "No", before agreeing that levelling the accusation would be serious.
After the match, which QPR won, Terry called Ferdinand into the away team dressing room to ask if he thought he had called him a black c***.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said the witness went into the dressing room because he felt guilty about alleging Terry racially abused him.
He said: "I suggest you went in there because you felt guilty about what happened on the pitch, about an allegation that was unfounded."
Ferdinand denied this and added that if he thought he had been racially abused it would have resulted in a fight.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said Cole asked Ferdinand during the discussion: "Did you think JT called you a black c***?
"You know he isn't like that."
Footballer Anton Ferdinand told a court on Monday that he found alleged racist abuse by John Terry "very hurtful".
England and Chelsea defender Terry, 31, is accused of calling Ferdinand a "f****** black c***" during a Premier League match last October.
On Monday, QPR player Ferdinand told Westminster Magistrates' Court that initially he did not think any racist terms had been used.
But after the match his girlfriend at the time played him a YouTube clip, and he became convinced that one had.
Ferdinand told the court that if he had realised at the time he would have told officials.
He said: "I would have been obviously very hurt and I probably wouldn't have reacted at the time because, being a professional, you can't do that. I probably would have let the officials know what happened and dealt with it after the game.
"When someone brings your colour into it, it takes it to another level and it's very hurtful."
Chelsea were down to nine men in the clash at Loftus Road on October 23, and Ferdinand and Terry began trading insults over a penalty claim, the court heard.
Ferdinand said: "He called me a c*** and I called him a c*** back and he gave me a gesture as if to say my breath smelled.
"I said to him 'How can you call me a c***? You sh***** your team-mate's missus, you're a c***'." (So he can dish it out but cant take it boo hoo)
This was a reference to Terry's alleged affair with Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, Vanessa Perroncel.
Ferdinand jogged down the pitch making a fist gesture to imply sex, he told the court.
After the match, Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole told him: "You can't talk to JT like that."
Terry then met Ferdinand to ask what had happened.
"Mr Terry said 'Do you think I racially abused you?' I was like 'No'," Ferdinand told the court.
"I said 'No, that never came out of my mouth'. Then Ashley Cole popped his head round and said 'Yeah, didn't you say that to me?' I said 'I didn't say that at all'."
He agreed it was just "handbags", and "banter", the court heard.
However, when he later viewed film footage of the incident, he believed a racist term had been used.
Terry is accused of a racially aggravated public order offence, which he denies. He maintains that he was only sarcastically repeating what Ferdinand wrongly thought he had said.
Ferdinand said he was no stranger to being sworn at and under cross-examination from George Carter-Stephenson QC agreed he had also sworn at players.
The QPR defender said he was angry at Terry trying to get a penalty and "he barged me in the back for no reason", he said.
The barrister told Ferdinand he has a tendency to "paint yourself in the best light".
Asked why he was so angry with Terry appealing for a penalty, Ferdinand, describing himself as a "calm, collected player", said: "Because I am a winner." (hahahahahahahahahahah)
Ferdinand added that he was angry because Terry had made a hand gesture at him indicating he had bad breath.
Proceedings in Court One have been punctuated by swear words but Ferdinand insisted he did not use those words off the pitch.
The QC asked the witness if by shouting abuse at him he was "trying to get a rise out of Mr Terry and get him to react?"
"Probably, yes," said Ferdinand. "There wasn't long left in the game."
Doreen Lawrence, mother of murdered black teenager Stephen Lawrence, attended Monday's hearing and sat in the public gallery. (Why?)
Mr Carter-Stephenson suggested that Ferdinand made up the allegation of racism as swearing at him and talking about his alleged affair was not having "the desired effect" of winding Terry up. Ferdinand denied this.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said: "So you decided to increase the level and accuse him of being a racist."
"No," said Mr Ferdinand.
"Words to the effect of 'calling me a black c***'."
"No," said the player.
"And he responded to it, didn't he?" the barrister continued.
Again, Ferdinand answered "No", before agreeing that levelling the accusation would be serious.
After the match, which QPR won, Terry called Ferdinand into the away team dressing room to ask if he thought he had called him a black c***.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said the witness went into the dressing room because he felt guilty about alleging Terry racially abused him.
He said: "I suggest you went in there because you felt guilty about what happened on the pitch, about an allegation that was unfounded."
Ferdinand denied this and added that if he thought he had been racially abused it would have resulted in a fight.
Mr Carter-Stephenson said Cole asked Ferdinand during the discussion: "Did you think JT called you a black c***?
"You know he isn't like that."
