The "let's talk" thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Bill, 14 Nov 2019.

  1. twosips

    twosips

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    This thread is so important. Thank you everyone. I feel so much for everyone who's shared their pretty awful experiences on here, but the openness is genuinely refreshing. I find it strange and quite sad that the word 'therapy' is still seen as such a taboo thing. I'd *love* to speak to a therapist regularly. Not because I feel on the edge of anything, but simply because I think i'd enjoy it, yet I'm far too insecure to openly ask around about that kind of thing. I think I'd find it incredibly well...therapeutic. We all need a bit of that tbh.
     
  2. WhereWereWeWhenWeWereWhat

    WhereWereWeWhenWeWereWhat

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    I can hugely relate to this. I would always cringe at the idea of talking to people i don’t know. After I had a breakdown over the phone to my sister and felt at rock bottom (undoubtedly the worst place I’ve been)a switch flipped and I decided being more open, honest and willing to talk (Im still not great at it) was worth the risk of looking like a nutter as opposed to slowly, quietly falling back into the same state as before in a misguided attempt at being strong and stoic.
     
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  3. Bellamy's Caddy

    Bellamy's Caddy

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    Great idea for a thread and huge respect to everyone for opening up and sharing your experiences, thank you. Hopefully its been a bit of a weight off your shoulders. There's also been some great advice shared which shows Bluemoon at its best.

    I've written and deleted about five posts now, but here goes... I battle depression and anxiety, have done for the past ten years. It was brought on by bereavements but its managed to impact on all aspects of my life, personally and professionally.

    The biggest thing getting me down at the moment is that I'm out of work. A few months ago I did the one thing you're always advised not to, quitting your job without having another lined up. The market has gone quiet and companies are taking forever in coming back to me, it would seem I massively misjudged how quickly I would be able to get another job and I'm starting to really regret the action I took, but I was in such a dark place and got myself so worked up that at the time I felt it was the only option.

    It started after Christmas last year when I was over looked for a promotion (the person who got the job used to work with the person who interviewed them...). I struggle with self confidence and despite getting great scores at annual reviews etc the comments that I always get is that I doubt myself too much, should have more confidence etc. It doesn't take much to set me back so after months of malicious behaviour on their behalf and me constantly being undermined finally my postion became untenable. It severely impacted on my health and I was off with stress. I had a return to work meeting with my boss where I was told that work would be full on and to make sure I was ready to return. There was no suggestion that either they or the company might be able to do anything to support me and the matter was never discussed again in my remaining time there. (I have since been told by lawyers if I'd filed a grievance I would have had a case for constructive dismissal with all the shady shit they pulled with me, too many to list here).

    During my time off sick I was prescribed anti depressants, but I've been reluctant to use them since I read up on the side effects which mentioned the possibility of bringing on a 'manic episode'. I am currently looking in to CBT which having read Tolmie's post I think would be beneficial. I'm trying to use time out of work to improve my mental health, by staying positive, reading and exercising more but the nagging self doubt is never far away. If I don't get a job I've interviewed for I beat myself up about questions I could have answered better etc and that plays on my mind for a long time afterwards.

    I've been in debt for the majority of my adult life and with not working it all feels like the walls are closing in. Apart from attending interviews I've become more or less a recluse. I haven't seem most of my friends or family for months. Nearly every social activity involves spending money and I'm watching every penny not knowing when my next pay cheque will come.

    The hardest part of my current situation is knowing that its my own doing, I let things get on top of me and made a bad choice. I'm single with no kids so fortunately my poor decision making hasn't affected anyone other than me, I'm just hoping it is a temporary setback. It has definitely made me realise that I can't just walk away from my problems. I now need to work out how best to deal with them when they next arise.
     
    Last edited: 19 Nov 2019
  4. Eccles Blue

    Eccles Blue

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    Respect to everyone who has had the courage, and it does take courage, to post in this thread. My ‘problems‘ are very trivial compared to what some of you are going through so I apologise in advance.

    I’ve been feeling low for quite a while now, nothing I can put my finger on. My health is not the best but at the same time not the worst, if you see what I mean. I’m not going to go into details as to how or why but suffice it to say there have been days when I’ve wanted to just run away and hide and not come back.

    Just over a month or so ago I decided that this was stupid, I’ve got a great family and good friends, plus no money worries. It was time to sort myself out. Anyway I decided that every day for a month I would post something positive that had happened to me on my Facebook page, don’t laugh please. :-)

    Anyway I did this, every evening I looked back over the day and chose something. Some days it was hard but even something as simple as my great-Granddaughter sending me a message that she had got 10 out of 10 for a spelling test, or a text message from a friend saying that my posts were encouraging her were a help. I called it my ‘Smile a day’. Some days it was a few lines, other days practically an essay but even on my hardest days I managed to find something!

    For example (although this was after the month, in fact just last Thursday) I trapped my thumb in the door and tore all the skin and flesh off, broke a bone and basically it was a mess! It bled for nearly 3 hours due to the medication I am on. To cut a long story short I should have gone to the hospital but I thought don’t be daft it’s only a thumb! Friday I ended up at the birth place of the NHS, Trafford General. I was in excruciating pain but had such a laugh in the x-ray department with some patients and the staff that my sides were aching! Then the nurse practitioner who had to drill 2 holes in my thumb nail, decided that the table thing was too high for her to get at it properly so she made me put it on the bed whilst she knelt beside it! I said you don’t have to say a prayer for me it’s not that bad. Oh, says she, I always kneel for the queen! So, although it was painful, the whole experience at least gave me a smile for my Smile a Day!

    Life may treat you rough, you may feel everything is against you but please, please remember there are always people on here who will read and listen. Thank you @Bill for starting this thread, thank you @Ric for providing us with these forums and thank you Blues for reading and being there.
     
  5. WhereWereWeWhenWeWereWhat

    WhereWereWeWhenWeWereWhat

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    Counselling and therapy would be a massive help to people, it’s just hard to get hold of one. During university when my depression and anxiety were at the worst I’ve known it, I tried getting myself sessions. It’s incredibly frustrating and crushing to be met by automated messages, feigned sympathy and waiting lists when looking for help, especially as I only actively looked when inches from the end of my rope(assuming this is the same for others) and was definitely close to doing something foolish.
     
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  6. Eccles Blue

    Eccles Blue

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    @karen7 & @somapop plus those who've mentioned about talking to someone on the street, in the shop etc., it does help others who might not have spoken to someone for a couple of days.

    Just to make you smile though....... when I was in the waiting room at the hospital/drop in centre place on Friday a lady was walking toward me & I gave a little grin/smile and this lady said, Do I know you, and I thought ohhhh I’ve offended her and I started to say no I’m sorry and to explain but she walked up to me and went, oh I’ve not got my glasses on and I thought you were one of my neighbours!
    Then today in M & S in the Trafford Centre, I was walking through the nightwear section and this guy was with his wife & gave the biggest yawn EVER & without thinking I said, well you’ve picked the best place for yawning and wanting to sleep. Then I thought oh my goodness they’ll think I’m daft and I started to apologise but they both just started laughing. I just walked away thinking that’s like it used to be, you always acknowledged people with a nod or a smile.
     
  7. BLUEYESTU

    BLUEYESTU

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    Thank you Karen :-) Onwards and upwards!
     
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  8. Rammy Blue

    Rammy Blue

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    It’s been mentioned numerous times in this thread mate, and can certainly be done at minimal money nowadays, but join a gym. Get out and get a sweat on, the chemicals released will help.
     
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  9. Bellamy's Caddy

    Bellamy's Caddy

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    Yeah its a good shout mate. I go out walking a lot which definitely helps, but can get a bit boring. I'll look in to gym options near me, cheers!
     
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  10. somapop

    somapop

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    Have a look at a few options. I think many offer gym classes as part of the monthly fee which works out (see what I did there?) being great value. I was put off for years by people saying they never kept it up so were paying for nothing. But if you do it's amazing value in the scheme of things (especially if you cut down on booze and food). I try and fit in as many classes as I can...socially they're ace, but then tend to push you a little more too. Circuits, syngrgy etc. Maybe get a free PT consolutation that many gyms offer...tell them what you want to achieve (and you may not know initially) and they'll sort a plan for you. Running is good but perhaps not the best option for some if they're carrying too much weight (which will end up causing injuries). I fell in love with the rower and Kettle Bell....
    Walking is ace, but I remember at my lowest if just left me with my thoughts bubbling up. I recall, in the midst of my breakdown, going for a 5k run on a wet, cold, dark January evening...and tried to outrun the mental anguish and ended up doing my first half marathon. I think the physical pain finally had one over the internal stuff going on...not that I'm a believer in angels but on the way back on this run, this stunning girl waiting for a bus (on this cold night) gave me this huge, warm grin seemingly out of nowhere. A nod perhaps that things get better.
     
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