That’s really rubbish kaz. I’ll be mortified I’m when either of my dogs die and not sure how I’ll cope. But you just have to I suppose. Are you thinking of getting a silva 2?Been struggling for ages ,losing silva has killed me,i am really highly aware that people are losing people so I didn't want to be insensitive and wail about a cat,in my world where I can literally go months without seeing anyone except delivery men and the dr,she was my person if you see what I mean,I miss constant cuddling and something else living and breathing in the house,i went completely off my head last time ,i am really trying not to do that again
Where to start with covid,in hospital again a couple of weeks ago because it has damaged my lungs and I couldn't breathe,I get breathless doing the simple things,I am scared to sleep at night as I think I will stop breathing,I sleep early mornings and half the days,some nights I don't sleep at all then like yesterday 15hrs,i do stupid things to ease the pain that I don't want to talk about
You may have noticed my lol has all but disappeared,i am trying ,i really am,on my own it has been tough,those of you of my age on your own and not healthy will know what it is like,it is awful
The second I broke my shoulder my health has gone from one bad thing to another,i fear I am never going to get back to where I was,anyway I didn't expect to lay all this out but there you have it
I was enjoying getting out with some of you and going to games,i hope that comes around again
Anyway,enough about me
Been struggling for ages ,losing silva has killed me,i am really highly aware that people are losing people so I didn't want to be insensitive and wail about a cat,in my world where I can literally go months without seeing anyone except delivery men and the dr,she was my person if you see what I mean,I miss constant cuddling and something else living and breathing in the house,i went completely off my head last time ,i am really trying not to do that again
Where to start with covid,in hospital again a couple of weeks ago because it has damaged my lungs and I couldn't breathe,I get breathless doing the simple things,I am scared to sleep at night as I think I will stop breathing,I sleep early mornings and half the days,some nights I don't sleep at all then like yesterday 15hrs,i do stupid things to ease the pain that I don't want to talk about
You may have noticed my lol has all but disappeared,i am trying ,i really am,on my own it has been tough,those of you of my age on your own and not healthy will know what it is like,it is awful
The second I broke my shoulder my health has gone from one bad thing to another,i fear I am never going to get back to where I was,anyway I didn't expect to lay all this out but there you have it
I was enjoying getting out with some of you and going to games,i hope that comes around again
Anyway,enough about me
Thanks lovely xThis is a tough read, you have a lot going on. Perhaps a Silva2 would help after all City have 2 and Bernado is turning into a character of his own.Good luck.
Thanks honey,i waited a year between sky and silva,like I say am totally devoted each time that it takes a long time to get over ,it is a process with me,i wil adopt from the sanctuary again when I feel ready xThat’s really rubbish kaz. I’ll be mortified I’m when either of my dogs die and not sure how I’ll cope. But you just have to I suppose. Are you thinking of getting a silva 2?
Just keep believing and try and watch things on telly that Make you happy or are important to you. I watch the last episode of after life (series 1) when I’m really low as it reminds me of dark times and coming through them.
Keep taking and sending you good vibes x
Aww you are such a darling eccles ,i do have good neighbours ,one is a friend who is older than me and has no spleen so has shielded for months so I have not been able to see her,i am desperate for a hug now,i am a huggy person,as I said above i will adopt again,in a while xxxKaren, that is hell for you but you are such a great influence on a lot of people. Keeping their spirits up and sounding so positive. Like petethemancinleeds says, is there a chance of a Silva2? That isn't being insensitive I know how devastating it can be when you lose a pet especially when it is a cuddly one.
I do know how hard it can be on your own and with ill health. I am very lucky in that my offspring and the grand and great grandchildren have kept in regular touch by FaceTime but it does help when you have someone to hold your hand or just give you a hug. That is what I am missing but it won't last for ever.
You've had it rough sweetheart but you have done a great job connecting with others on here. Keep it up The BlueMoon family are around for you.
Take care and nil desperandum as they say. Virtual hugs from me. xxx :-) xxx :-)
Most City supporting Dad's won't begrudge their son having a feed anytime and you were there rather than miles away. Time will heal but sudden things will still tear the plaster off . Hopefully City will be back as a good memory but not right now especially if you travel long distance. Perhaps a local supporters club would be useful later on.I never knew this thread existed before today and what an incredible idea it is to give people the platform to say whatever it is that they might be struggling with.
I lost my Dad at the beginning of lockdown and to be honest I cannot decide what I am feeling. He had been ill for a little while but we had hoped he might still come home but then he caught Covid in the hospital and it was only a matter of days after that.
The bit I keep going over is the last time I ever saw him in person. I left his hospital room to get my mum and I something to eat and on returning to the ward they did not let me back in, even to say goodbye. I broke down as I knew it could be the last time I ever saw him. I didn't even hug him i just said ill be back in a minute whilst mum was helping him shave and that was that.
Football returning has weirdly been the worst thing. We live down in Bristol so we would watch games together on TV and I kept turning expecting him to shout his disdain at a missed chance or celebrating a goal. The first game back against Arsenal i think cried throughout the whole game. City was what me and Dad did and now he isn't here to share it with i honestly have struggled to watch games, I dread them to be honest.
I don't really know where I am going with this but it seems easier to tell people on a forum than tell people around me.
Get back on your meds,now is not the time to go without,so much is uncertain in your life and with covid,also go back to counselling or start it ,there is also the mental health crisis team that can help,give your drs surgery a call tomorrow,talking can really help and you may later on be able to cut your meds down ,if it is,a long wait then go private or the crisis team way,your wife will be encouraged if she sees you are trying to sort it ,take care xUgh, where do I start...?!
A fair few people know about my struggles here with my depression. I've also mentioned my sex addiction, I think. It's relentless and it takes root in my thoughts and behaviour when my depression kicks in, so I don't always know why my drive is up. Even the physical act can be challenging on knowing when to stop as my wife became the addiction.
I don't often see when I'm in the throes of depression, but it's like I'm standing in the eye of the storm and people have to tell me the destruction I'm causing.
People think it's great to be constantly thinking about it and I have realised it manifests itself in subject matter like the booty type threads I used to post. I feel like I've handled it quite well until the last year or so, but sometimes it twists itself around in my brain until it gets me fed up and further down in my depression. At times when the pressure builds, if I'm not thinking about it, I write about it. It's affected my marriage as I haven't been taking my antidepressants as I forget. I can't talk to my Mrs as we've split and I don't know if it's permanent or not. Almost 20 years with her and 11 years of it married down the drain. I know I love my wife, but I can't express it very well. This addiction has lasted existed for 30 years off and on and I'm mentally tired of it. She just thought I was a bit lusty and not romantic.
It's like I have two personalities; free and single me and married me. I have enjoyed both sides immensely, especially being married, but I can almost feel the former me enjoying watching the married man drowning, sitting on the sidelines witnessing his demise and he's ready to take charge.
I don't know if I miss my days of being cathartic with women that would let me be me, but I certainly miss being at home with her. I knew I was being used back then, but it was a two way street. I really can't tell if I have a selfish streak or not when it comes to the time sex takes cos after a while I don't enjoy it as my addiction drives the whole thing.
The problem about my antideps is that when I don't take them I can be lucid as fuck, but home truths come raining down on people. It's also the time when my addiction kicks in, I think. I like being clear minded, though or welcoming back the real me, as it were, but that can also turn into unsolicited rants on the board!
In my lucid periods I can see it all without anybody pointing out to me, but I think too much on what my next action should be and I lose myself. Been lucid about two days and will lose it it soon, I know it.
I think I know where it stems from; being rejected someone who constantly beat me as a child whilst looking for love from that paternal person. I just don't know why the addiction and it's the first time I've asked myself.
I don't why I'm putting it on here, but I needed to write and I have no solutions and I get angry with myself on it.
Thanks for letting rant...
[QUOTE="PinkFinal, post: 12815177, member: 30202
I've really struggled this week and cannot motivate myself to do much
I've even stopped looking in the mirror because I look like I've been dragged through hell
/QUOTE]
Take heart pal @Tim of the Oak looks like that always
Get back on your meds,now is not the time to go without,so much is uncertain in your life and with covid,also go back to counselling or start it ,there is also the mental health crisis team that can help,give your drs surgery a call tomorrow,talking can really help and you may later on be able to cut your meds down ,if it is,a long wait then go private or the crisis team way,your wife will be encouraged if she sees you are trying to sort it ,take care x
I am on antidepressants so I know what you mean about wanting to be free,you have to get your immediate situation sorted before you can start to decrease them slowly,now is not the time to be free and reckless lovely,do it the sensible way,sort the problems with counselling and meds then decrease slowlyWhy do you think, when I know I'm sick of it, I like the me that's 'free'?
Really like to know another perspective I haven't thought of.
Ugh, where do I start...?!
A fair few people know about my struggles here with my depression. I've also mentioned my sex addiction, I think. It's relentless and it takes root in my thoughts and behaviour when my depression kicks in, so I don't always know why my drive is up. Even the physical act can be challenging on knowing when to stop as my wife became the addiction.
I don't often see when I'm in the throes of depression, but it's like I'm standing in the eye of the storm and people have to tell me the destruction I'm causing.
People think it's great to be constantly thinking about it and I have realised it manifests itself in subject matter like the booty type threads I used to post. I feel like I've handled it quite well until the last year or so, but sometimes it twists itself around in my brain until it gets me fed up and further down in my depression. At times when the pressure builds, if I'm not thinking about it, I write about it. It's affected my marriage as I haven't been taking my antidepressants as I forget. I can't talk to my Mrs as we've split and I don't know if it's permanent or not. Almost 20 years with her and 11 years of it married down the drain. I know I love my wife, but I can't express it very well. This addiction has lasted existed for 30 years off and on and I'm mentally tired of it. She just thought I was a bit lusty and not romantic.
It's like I have two personalities; free and single me and married me. I have enjoyed both sides immensely, especially being married, but I can almost feel the former me enjoying watching the married man drowning, sitting on the sidelines witnessing his demise and he's ready to take charge.
I don't know if I miss my days of being cathartic with women that would let me be me, but I certainly miss being at home with her. I knew I was being used back then, but it was a two way street. I really can't tell if I have a selfish streak or not when it comes to the time sex takes cos after a while I don't enjoy it as my addiction drives the whole thing.
The problem about my antideps is that when I don't take them I can be lucid as fuck, but home truths come raining down on people. It's also the time when my addiction kicks in, I think. I like being clear minded, though or welcoming back the real me, as it were, but that can also turn into unsolicited rants on the board!
In my lucid periods I can see it all without anybody pointing out to me, but I think too much on what my next action should be and I lose myself. Been lucid about two days and will lose it it soon, I know it.
I think I know where it stems from; being rejected someone who constantly beat me as a child whilst looking for love from that paternal person. I just don't know why the addiction and it's the first time I've asked myself.
I don't why I'm putting it on here, but I needed to write and I have no solutions and I get angry with myself on it.
Thanks for letting rant...
Only just seen this post. Well done for posting it. You come across as very honest in your posts and that in itself deserves merit, it takes balls to post like this. Hope you're feeling well today.
I'd like to add that I wonder if hypersexualism (for want of a better term, you might call it something else) is as a result of what happened to you as a child. I think you have answered your own question on that really - it's certainly not unheard of for affection to be sought in other ways, if you didn't get much as a lad. I think the addiction makes sense actually if we look at it like that.
Thanks for the reply.
Whether anyone likes it or not, finds it truthful or not, I am someone who finds it cathartic to speak about my past. I've got nothing to hide. I feel nobody's judgement, really. There are times I'm disgusted in myself, but won't know until I write it out as it doesn't register in my head how it looks. Like when Kaz posted her disgust at what I wrote in the other thread, it registered only as I'd felt such a thing fleetingly 25 odd years ago.
I'm supposed to arrange to see a counsellor, but I'm severely put off through my first experience. I didn't get anywhere with him, so I started psychoanalysing him and his mannerisms out of annoyance. He was just trying to help and I upset him really badly. At least I recognised that when I usually didn't care, back then.
But that was 20 years ago and I'd like to think at 50 now, I'm ready to get this shit dealt with as it's ruining my life.
But, ultimately, I'm bothered that I don't know how I'll react if I don't feel I'm getting anywhere.
I think you owe it to yourself to have another go. You deserve to feel at peace with yourself.
I saw a counsellor some years ago and she profoundly affected my life. I was being a little bit bullied in work and thought it was my fault. I too had to really think about going as I tried out some counselling services at uni and found them quite dismissive of my concerns.
I owe a lot to my counsellor Cheryl for giving me the tools to navigate my emotions. I used a counselling service in Stamford Park in Altrincham.