Things your missus does that drive you to despair

I'm very happily single these days but here's a few belters, which in my experience, applies to the lot of em:

1. Cushions - feeling the need to spend money on several of these things to place on the couch and bed, only for them to be fucked right off onto the floor as soon as said furniture is being used. Brainless beyond words.

2. Expecting you to accompany her to any kind of 'do' for people you've never ever met, she is invited to. 'We're at Claire's kid's christening in Wales this weekend' etc etc. You might be, I am fucking not, City are at home and I shall be there, you ****.

3. Expecting you to see to the 'man' chores such as mowing the lawn, taking the bins out, taking her car for an MOT, as these are 'your jobs'. It's 2017 you fucking idiot.

4. Announcing to her friends that 'we' are in the midst of a certain task - 'we're right in the middle of doing up little Johnny's room' - when se hasn't and wont be lifting a finger in said task. 'We'? turn it in.

5. Asking why you need to watch MOTD when you've already watched football today. Why do you need 18 pairs of shoes you tit?
 
leaves fucking hair clips everywhere. You can tell where she's been from the little pile built up in said room, then can't find them when she wants them. (I haven't the heart to tell her it pissed me off that much I just bin em then first opportunity I get.
 
My missus seems to love making a racket in the kitchen in the mornings...cupboards banging, cups clanking, washer door being slammed....you'd think she was in a permanent, perpetual state of blob-strop, but no....she's just a noisy fucker. I swear, some mornings it sounds like Cozy Powell was in my kitchen having a stroke while playing the biscuit tins and using the fridge as a kick drum..Also, no matter what lengths I go to to surprise her with something, she has this uncanny knack of ruining the surprise....every fooking time.
 
Mrs Moon does the walk in front of the TV at a vastly disproportionate amount of times when goals especially free kicks are being taken and only last night did the classic continuing to talk about something from 7 days ago by saying from nowhere 'did you say John was in Portugal' relating to someone medical that we'd be discussing on the 27th of June....

We share the cooking and house duties but when I'm driving to/from football she never starts tea until I'm home as she doesn't know what time I'll be back....apart from the very odd game over the 30 odd years we've been together it'll be 40-45 mins after the final whistle, she knows the kick off time, I'll be hungry so at least get it started.

Maybe this thread should have a sub- thread of things they don't do.
 
I've got to say, the girl I've been seeing for the last year is fucking sound.

She never gives me grief about going out, or even away with my mates. She is a fucking diamond.

If I knew it would stay like that, I'd move in with her tomorrow, because I know that scenario would be where I was happiest.
 
gordondaviesmoustache said:
I've got to say, the girl I've been seeing for the last year is fucking sound.

She never gives me grief about going out, or even away with my mates. She is a fucking diamond.

If I knew it would stay like that, I'd move in with her tomorrow, because I know that scenario would be where I was happiest.
Click to expand...
How often does she need inflating?
 
Stoned Rose said:
I'm very happily single these days but here's a few belters, which in my experience, applies to the lot of em:

1. Cushions - feeling the need to spend money on several of these things to place on the couch and bed, only for them to be fucked right off onto the floor as soon as said furniture is being used. Brainless beyond words.

2. Expecting you to accompany her to any kind of 'do' for people you've never ever met, she is invited to. 'We're at Claire's kid's christening in Wales this weekend' etc etc. You might be, I am fucking not, City are at home and I shall be there, you ****.

3. Expecting you to see to the 'man' chores such as mowing the lawn, taking the bins out, taking her car for an MOT, as these are 'your jobs'. It's 2017 you fucking idiot.

4. Announcing to her friends that 'we' are in the midst of a certain task - 'we're right in the middle of doing up little Johnny's room' - when se hasn't and wont be lifting a finger in said task. 'We'? turn it in.

5. Asking why you need to watch MOTD when you've already watched football today. Why do you need 18 pairs of shoes you tit?
Click to expand...
Haha! That did make me laugh :-)
 
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