Things your missus does that drive you to despair

[FCBarca]

One of the odder things that happens for years still, my wife likes to try & have a conversation with me while I am brushing my teeth - captive audience?

 

[Hoghead]

Starting a conversation just as you are walking out of the door.
Starting a conversation just as you put the kettle on so can't hear anything.
Starting a conversation in the utility room when they have just put the washing machine on and you are stood in the kitchen.
Starting a conversation just as you close your eyes ready to sleep.
Starting a conversation just as you are falling asleep.
Starting a conversation just as you are entering details online..... shit I'll have to enter it all again!
Starting a conversation.............

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Giving me half the conversation she was having in her head expecting me to fill in the gaps and understand what she's talking about.

I think they all do that! I'm halfway into a one-sided conversation and I just want to say 'Gimme the context, luv, and I'll fill in the gaps myself.

After having twisted one out and washed my hands I turn to get the towel and the old one has been put in the washer and the new one is on the other side of the toilet door. I just do not understand why it can't be done where the new one is replaced and the old one removed rather than the other way round where the old one is removed and the new one is waiting to be replaced.

 

[Magicpole]

Putting the milk in a brew before taking the tea bag out. Does my tits in.

That's a sacking offence in anybody's book. Straight red.

Is that even fucking legal?

You poor ****. :)

 

[Magicpole]

"I left you with one thing to do. One thing."

I fucking hate that and get it all the time. What she never and I mean never takes into consideration, is I never agree with her plan to fuck up my day.

Driving: We live in the country with the accompanying smaller roads, but, she drives like a maniac whilst exclaiming, "Oh look a buzzard" as we swerve.

Household Chores: I always do the bathroom. She hates it and in the four years we have been together she has never done it. However. This is an actual conversation.

" you don't do it properly. You don't do it the way I would do it"

"Well, why don't you fucking show me how well you do it?"

"That's just typical of you"

"No, it's just fucking typical of you. You can't be arsed doing it, but you can't help yourself saying it's not done to your standard but let it go preferring to moan"

"Oh shut up"

But, she's beautiful, funny, clever and a great cook, so I'm giving her another month to see if she takes on board my instructions as how to get by in a more harmonious way.

 

[Cotton Weave Blue]

She's got the hardest job in the world and whenever I try and discuss my shite day it always ends up shes been worse off.

 

[Wrighty Wrexham]

Goes mad at me when I buy a big tin of beans instead of a small tin of beans!
We only needed a small tin
Yes love but the big tin was cheaper than the small tin we can use what we want and throw out the rest or put it in the fridge for next time!
What a waste she says you should of got a small tin!
She just cant see it!

 

[che_don_john]

At those self-service supermarket checkouts, my girlfriend holds or lifts the bags as I'm scanning items, inevitably setting off a warning each time and slowing it down. Ends up taking twice as long as it should.

I've explained it to her numerous times, but she still does it. She's Canadian-Filipina, so she just thinks it's a case of her being slow and relaxed versus me being a typical Brit in a rush. Last time it happened I got the whole "Fine, I just won't bother helping you, then". No, I'm not saying 'don't help' - I'm saying 'help properly and stop lifting the damn bag'!

 

[Wrighty Wrexham]

Leaving the loo seat up ;)

 

[talkativesprout]

Whatever pain, niggle or injury I have she has one causing her far greater jip....leading to my phrase "are your balls aching as much as mine too"....with her standing retort being, "I should think so since mine are much larger than yours"........also she always has to have the last word...woman