Mikejl
Well-Known Member
Great pisstake article from the Guardian's fiver newsletter, seems Louis Van Pulis is cracking up
PUCE VAN MAN
Possibly because The Fiver is often incapable of concocting one itself, it likes having a plan in place. Footballers, it would seem, quite appreciate having one too. Or at least one that extends beyond sending it long to a healthy head of hair in the hope that the ball will cushion down from it and land in front of a red shirt. It is the biggest one direction since Simon Cowell was inspired to put five talentless lads together and get them to sing. Now that was a good plan. Louis van Gaal, however, appears to have no time for complex strategising. Louis is too busy being smart after the event, the event in case being a 2-1 FA Cup beating by Arsenal. “A match shall be decided by goals and this match has been decided by goals,” he said last night, hinting that he may finally be getting the hang of this football lark.
That the man who decided the match by scoring a goal was not considered good enough by Van Gaal made it all the much sweeter for those not of a Manchester United persuasion. Although it was not taken too kindly in the stands at Old Trafford where a mixture of boos and applause from the home fans when Danny Welbeck was being substituted led to two middle-aged men coming to blows in the usually prosaic confines of the Lord Ferg stand. It ended with a comical head-butt from behind and The Fiver reckons it is too easy to make a joke about there being more fight in the stands than on the pitch. Yet more proof that the dark days are very much on their way back and also a case to strengthen the no-celebration crew’s argument.
Then again, perhaps The Fiver is being a bit harsh on Van Gaal – maybe his plan is just so highbrow that we mere minions do not understand it? It could well be going completely over our heads. Still, it’s obvious that Van Gaal is getting increasingly tetchy at journalists he largely considers parasitic. He is not quite at Lord Ferg puce-faced barking level but he is getting there. “You are very happy to say that [Falcao hasn’t scored enough]. I see that in your face,” he sniped at one hack last night before storming out of the room. Very happy may not be the right choice of phrase because seeing a player as gifted as Falcao do a Torres and perform as a shadow of his previous self is not very enjoyable. No way, not at all. But it is absolutely hilarious to watch €50m worth of talent sit on the bench while a player you let go for £16m is defeating you.
Schadenfreude is what they apparently call it, though Van Gaal is unlikely to take much notice of that, even if he did lock himself into a monastery for a month and immerse himself in intensive German lessons when he took the Bayern Munich job. Bayern are in Big Cup action tomorrow; on last night’s evidence, United are nowhere near ready to rejoin the elite
PUCE VAN MAN
Possibly because The Fiver is often incapable of concocting one itself, it likes having a plan in place. Footballers, it would seem, quite appreciate having one too. Or at least one that extends beyond sending it long to a healthy head of hair in the hope that the ball will cushion down from it and land in front of a red shirt. It is the biggest one direction since Simon Cowell was inspired to put five talentless lads together and get them to sing. Now that was a good plan. Louis van Gaal, however, appears to have no time for complex strategising. Louis is too busy being smart after the event, the event in case being a 2-1 FA Cup beating by Arsenal. “A match shall be decided by goals and this match has been decided by goals,” he said last night, hinting that he may finally be getting the hang of this football lark.
That the man who decided the match by scoring a goal was not considered good enough by Van Gaal made it all the much sweeter for those not of a Manchester United persuasion. Although it was not taken too kindly in the stands at Old Trafford where a mixture of boos and applause from the home fans when Danny Welbeck was being substituted led to two middle-aged men coming to blows in the usually prosaic confines of the Lord Ferg stand. It ended with a comical head-butt from behind and The Fiver reckons it is too easy to make a joke about there being more fight in the stands than on the pitch. Yet more proof that the dark days are very much on their way back and also a case to strengthen the no-celebration crew’s argument.
Then again, perhaps The Fiver is being a bit harsh on Van Gaal – maybe his plan is just so highbrow that we mere minions do not understand it? It could well be going completely over our heads. Still, it’s obvious that Van Gaal is getting increasingly tetchy at journalists he largely considers parasitic. He is not quite at Lord Ferg puce-faced barking level but he is getting there. “You are very happy to say that [Falcao hasn’t scored enough]. I see that in your face,” he sniped at one hack last night before storming out of the room. Very happy may not be the right choice of phrase because seeing a player as gifted as Falcao do a Torres and perform as a shadow of his previous self is not very enjoyable. No way, not at all. But it is absolutely hilarious to watch €50m worth of talent sit on the bench while a player you let go for £16m is defeating you.
Schadenfreude is what they apparently call it, though Van Gaal is unlikely to take much notice of that, even if he did lock himself into a monastery for a month and immerse himself in intensive German lessons when he took the Bayern Munich job. Bayern are in Big Cup action tomorrow; on last night’s evidence, United are nowhere near ready to rejoin the elite