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Whats your best Joke!?!?
- Thread starter Lmg1002
- Start date
Greiver
Well-Known Member
A man's wife has just been to the doctor.
The doctor tells the man, "Sir your wife either has aids or alzheimers!"
"Well how do I tell which one she has?"
The Doctor replies, "Drive her to the edge of town and drop her off. If she finds her way back home, don't f*ck her!"
The doctor tells the man, "Sir your wife either has aids or alzheimers!"
"Well how do I tell which one she has?"
The Doctor replies, "Drive her to the edge of town and drop her off. If she finds her way back home, don't f*ck her!"
neely8
Well-Known Member
What's white and bobs up and down in a pram?
A paedophile's arse. Am I banned?
A paedophile's arse. Am I banned?
supermankrypton
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Jun 2009
- Messages
- 157
Paddy and Murphy are on their way back to a building site. From out of nowhere, a double decker bus ploughs into them and they go flying through the window of the local Indian resaturant.
At the mortuary, the cause of death is finally decided.
Turns out Paddy had a dodgy tikka and Murphy had fallen into a korma.
Coat's already on, I'm out the door....
At the mortuary, the cause of death is finally decided.
Turns out Paddy had a dodgy tikka and Murphy had fallen into a korma.
Coat's already on, I'm out the door....
Esteban de la Sexface
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 2 May 2008
- Messages
- 8,727
what's with all this paddy and murphy shite? lousy bastards the lot of ye..
what do you call a Kerry man under a wheel-barrow?
A mechanic
what do you call a Kerry man under a wheel-barrow?
A mechanic
Scrabster Six
Well-Known Member
man goes to the doctor with a hearing problem. doctor asks him to describe the symptoms he replies homers a fat **** and marge has blue hair..
Thatchersforearm
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Jun 2009
- Messages
- 2,213
A plane is flying over the Atlantic when the Captain speaks to the passengers:
'There is no easy way of saying this - we have had a fuel leak and won't make it to land. We are all going to die'
A female passenger jumps up, rips off her blouse and bra and shouts:
'Well if I'm going to die I want one man here to make me feel like a woman for the last time'
The guy next to her stands up, takes off his trousers and says:
'Iron these'
'There is no easy way of saying this - we have had a fuel leak and won't make it to land. We are all going to die'
A female passenger jumps up, rips off her blouse and bra and shouts:
'Well if I'm going to die I want one man here to make me feel like a woman for the last time'
The guy next to her stands up, takes off his trousers and says:
'Iron these'
Ricster
Well-Known Member
Mark Hughes has his scouting team all over the world, but recieve's a phone call from one that takes his attention.
The scout is out in Iraq looking at the young talent in a club match. He spots this 16 year old playing upfront, who has scored a hat trick in the first 5 minutes. By half time tha lad has scored all 9 of his teams goals.
The scout phone's Hughesy, "Mark, Mark. Your not going to believe it! I've found a wonderkid out in Iraq. He's 16 and scored 9 goals in the first half. We have to sign him."
Hughes agrees to give the youngster a trial, is impressed and signs him during the transfer window.
Injuries take their toll on City, who have made the FA Cup final against United. And only have 1 fit recognised striker. So Hughes decides to put the young lad on the bench. With 5 minutes to go in the game City are losing 1-0 and Adebayor has come off injured.
Mark turns round to the young Iraqi and says, "Right son, its your time. Go and make a name for yourself."
The 16 year old runs onto the field and with his first touch scores the equaliser. 5 minutes later, City have won 3-1 with the young Iraqi scoring a hat trick. The fans are chanting his name, all the City players have him up on their shoulders.
He gets down and runs down the tunnel at Wembley. Gets to his phone and calls his Mum.
"Mum, Mum, your never going to believe it. Im a hero. I scored a hat trick on my debut, won City the FA Cup, scored with my first touch and everyone is chanting my name."
He here's his mum sobbing on the other end of the line. He says, "Is everything alright mum?"
His mum replies, "No, your dad has been murdered, and your sister has been raped and kidnapped."
The Iraqi says, "Mum, i dont know what to say. Im so sorry"
His mum replies, "So you should be you little wanker. It was your idea to move to Manchester"
The scout is out in Iraq looking at the young talent in a club match. He spots this 16 year old playing upfront, who has scored a hat trick in the first 5 minutes. By half time tha lad has scored all 9 of his teams goals.
The scout phone's Hughesy, "Mark, Mark. Your not going to believe it! I've found a wonderkid out in Iraq. He's 16 and scored 9 goals in the first half. We have to sign him."
Hughes agrees to give the youngster a trial, is impressed and signs him during the transfer window.
Injuries take their toll on City, who have made the FA Cup final against United. And only have 1 fit recognised striker. So Hughes decides to put the young lad on the bench. With 5 minutes to go in the game City are losing 1-0 and Adebayor has come off injured.
Mark turns round to the young Iraqi and says, "Right son, its your time. Go and make a name for yourself."
The 16 year old runs onto the field and with his first touch scores the equaliser. 5 minutes later, City have won 3-1 with the young Iraqi scoring a hat trick. The fans are chanting his name, all the City players have him up on their shoulders.
He gets down and runs down the tunnel at Wembley. Gets to his phone and calls his Mum.
"Mum, Mum, your never going to believe it. Im a hero. I scored a hat trick on my debut, won City the FA Cup, scored with my first touch and everyone is chanting my name."
He here's his mum sobbing on the other end of the line. He says, "Is everything alright mum?"
His mum replies, "No, your dad has been murdered, and your sister has been raped and kidnapped."
The Iraqi says, "Mum, i dont know what to say. Im so sorry"
His mum replies, "So you should be you little wanker. It was your idea to move to Manchester"
Thatchersforearm
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Jun 2009
- Messages
- 2,213
Ricster said:Mark Hughes has his scouting team all over the world, but recieve's a phone call from one that takes his attention.
The scout is out in Iraq looking at the young talent in a club match. He spots this 16 year old playing upfront, who has scored a hat trick in the first 5 minutes. By half time tha lad has scored all 9 of his teams goals.
The scout phone's Hughesy, "Mark, Mark. Your not going to believe it! I've found a wonderkid out in Iraq. He's 16 and scored 9 goals in the first half. We have to sign him."
Hughes agrees to give the youngster a trial, is impressed and signs him during the transfer window.
Injuries take their toll on City, who have made the FA Cup final against United. And only have 1 fit recognised striker. So Hughes decides to put the young lad on the bench. With 5 minutes to go in the game City are losing 1-0 and Adebayor has come off injured.
Mark turns round to the young Iraqi and says, "Right son, its your time. Go and make a name for yourself."
The 16 year old runs onto the field and with his first touch scores the equaliser. 5 minutes later, City have won 3-1 with the young Iraqi scoring a hat trick. The fans are chanting his name, all the City players have him up on their shoulders.
He gets down and runs down the tunnel at Wembley. Gets to his phone and calls his Mum.
"Mum, Mum, your never going to believe it. Im a hero. I scored a hat trick on my debut, won City the FA Cup, scored with my first touch and everyone is chanting my name."
He here's his mum sobbing on the other end of the line. He says, "Is everything alright mum?"
His mum replies, "No, your dad has been murdered, and your sister has been raped and kidnapped."
The Iraqi says, "Mum, i dont know what to say. Im so sorry"
His mum replies, "So you should be you little wanker. It was your idea to move to Manchester"
BRILLIANT