Whats your best Joke!?!?

A bloke walks into a pub with his dog and the landlord says, "dogs arent allowed in here, get it out". The bloke says,"this dog is a locksmith", watch this. So he kicked it in its bolox and it made a bolt for the door.
 
young pikey girl sat with her mum the night before her wedding. her mum says "you know on the night of your wedding your new husband will want to put his most prize possession where you pee" young girl replies "why would he want to put his tarmaccing rake in the sink?"

i find it funny
 
Two hats are on a hat rack. One hat says to the other "you stay here...















I'll go on ahead"
 
Just heard the news that the South African Womens 800m Champion, has failed a urine test.






...she couldn't fit her cock in the bottle.
 
For our Scottish members !!

2 English men opening a shop on Argyle Street, Glasgow, are sitting in a stock room waiting on stock being delivered. 1st man says to his mate "Bet we have have some nosey Scottish bastard drop in and ask what we are selling" Sure enough 5minutes later the door opens and a wee Glaswegian comes in and says "Whit yous selling in here, big yin?"
Englishman says " We're selling arseholes" and winks at his mate.
Without missing a beat, the Glaswegian says "Ye're dain well, only 2 left"
 
A woman was in a coma for several months. One day the nurses noticed a slight response whilst washing her fanny.That night during visiting hour they explained to her husband that a little oral sex might bring her round and left him to it.

When they returned a few minutes later the womans monitor had flat lined and she had no pulse or heartbeat.

"What happened?" cried the nurses. "I'm not sure - I think she choked" replied the husband.
 
doctor will i be able to play the violin after the operation?

of course you will


Brilliant ! I can't at the minute
 
After the signing of Joleon Lescott & Carlos Tevez, Mark Hughes is set to put a bid in for Simon Weston.

I'll get me coat!!!
 
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