Whats your best Joke!?!?

mcfc2607 said:
paddy's down a dark hole


mick : is it dark down there

paddy: dont know cant see.


..........................................................

max: paddy spell colour

paddy: which one.

.............................................................
Paddy and Mick were working on a building site, Paddy says to Mick "I cant be bothered working all day I just want to go home" so he climbs to the top of the building site and hangs upside down on a steel girder, on seeing this the boss shouts up "what the hell do you think your doing" Paddy says "pretending to be a light bulb" so the boss says "go home your being stupid" so he climbs down and starts walking out. Mick decides to follow and says "Im going home too" but just as he was putting his coat on to leave, the boss shouts "and where do you think your going" Mick says home because Im not working in the dark"

..............................................................

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Mick and Seamus were called upon.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said 'Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over’. Following orders the mortician rolled Paddy over and Seamus looked and said 'Nope, it ain't Paddy.'
The mortician thought it all rather strange and then called upon Mick to identify the body. Mick took one look at him and said, 'Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over'.
The mortician rolled him over and Mick looked down and said, 'No, it ain't Paddy'.
A baffled mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Mick said, 'Well, Paddy had two assholes.'
‘what, he had two assholes?' said the mortician.
'Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went into town, people would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two assholes.'
Click to expand...


beat u 2 it lol
 
So this hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty 22-gauge rifle.

After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps this guy on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll do you in the ass."

The hunter figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

After the bear leaves, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself a bazooka.

He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"
 
brummie blue said:
So this hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty 22-gauge rifle.

After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps this guy on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll do you in the ass."

The hunter figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

After the bear leaves, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself a bazooka.

He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"
Click to expand...

I'm sure I have heard that before, a long time ago, but it just made me ROFL :D
 
i remember this one from my childhood and it still tickles me when i tell it myself.

The guy on stamford park boating lake calling in one of the rowing boats whos been out passed his alloted time.

Come in number 99 your time is up.his assistant tells him,we dont have a number 99.
Are you in trouble number 66. ffs gets me every time
 
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