Whats your best Joke!?!?

[Lmarkham-blueblood]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, 'I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.'
The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. 'If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you.'
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, 'I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must have sex with me.'
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts, 'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!'
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, 'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!'

genious!

 

[Lmarkham-blueblood]

scouser keyboard

On April first Stacy goes into labor, and after 5 hours of labor she finally pops out a kid. As soon as it pops out the doctor grabs it and starts shaking it like crazy, then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's tossing a pizza dough, and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall. Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are you doing!?" As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge grin and says, "April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."

 

[brass neck]

Paddy says to mick

"Can you help me with this jigsaw puzzle, I think its meant to be a Tiger"

Mick says

"Put the Frosties back in the box you thick fuckker!!!"

 

[blue_bird]

scouser keyboard

On April first Stacy goes into labor, and after 5 hours of labor she finally pops out a kid. As soon as it pops out the doctor grabs it and starts shaking it like crazy, then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's tossing a pizza dough, and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall. Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are you doing!?" As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge grin and says, "April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."

Not funny.

 

[Skint Eastwood]

scouser keyboard

On April first Stacy goes into labor, and after 5 hours of labor she finally pops out a kid. As soon as it pops out the doctor grabs it and starts shaking it like crazy, then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's tossing a pizza dough, and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall. Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are you doing!?" As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge grin and says, "April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."

Erm Some joke are below the belt but this is not funny m8. Its sick and I know of at lest 3 people on here who would be seriously upset about it.

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Not having a go but this is not funny

 

[blue_bird]

I'm one of them. Even though (thankfully) I have never lost a child, I've worked long enough in a maternity unit to see it happen too many times. It's not nice and certainly nothing to laugh and joke about. I'm all for sick jokes, but this goes far beyond that.

 

[brass neck]

well sick jokes are funny to some people and not to others. Its what makes the world a interesting and diverse place.


"A cartoon which appeared in the regional newspaper, the Metro, shows two people discussing Professor Stephen Hawking. At the time he was seriously ill in hospital, the caption says "I wonder if they've tried switching him off and switching him on again".

Professor Hawking has motor neurone disease. He uses a wheelchair and speaks using a voice synthesiser. The Motor Neurone Disease Association say the cartoon is distasteful and it's appalling that the cartoon seems to mock disability.

But did you chuckle when you read the joke?"


One mans meat is another mans poison

 

[Lmarkham-blueblood]

I'm one of them. Even though (thankfully) I have never lost a child, I've worked long enough in a maternity unit to see it happen too many times. It's not nice and certainly nothing to laugh and joke about. I'm all for sick jokes, but this goes far beyond that.

im genuinely sorry... i'll tell another (this isnt a dig at you i think its just a great joke)







A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times
ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish
will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the
world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is
his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess
with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and
continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.


























































The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than
his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think
they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy
the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this;
it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and
to all the ladies who have a good sense

 

[183sash]

Had to go and see my doctor last week , he asked me for a urine , stool and sperm sample , i was in a rush so i just left him my underpants

i was asked to run a marathon the other week but i said no thanks its not for me , but then i was told it was spastic kids and i thought - fuck it i could win that ! (Bad Taste sorry)

 

[blue_bird]

well sick jokes are funny to some people and not to others. Its what makes the world a interesting and diverse place.


"A cartoon which appeared in the regional newspaper, the Metro, shows two people discussing Professor Stephen Hawking. At the time he was seriously ill in hospital, the caption says "I wonder if they've tried switching him off and switching him on again".

Professor Hawking has motor neurone disease. He uses a wheelchair and speaks using a voice synthesiser. The Motor Neurone Disease Association say the cartoon is distasteful and it's appalling that the cartoon seems to mock disability.

But did you chuckle when you read the joke?"


One mans meat is another mans poison

Wonder if the heartbroken bereaved parents would see it like that? Unbelievable.