Whats your best Joke!?!?

MANCHESTER UNITED VIRUSES HAVE HIT COMPUTERS!

They are particularly harmful and here are such examples-

The Manchester United Virus. This is where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.

The David Beckham Virus. This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

The Roy Keane Virus. This one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows.

The Alex Ferguson Virus. The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your days been) than all the other computers in the building.

The Ben Foster Virus. This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything.

The Gary Neville Virus. This is the extremely ugly one.

The Manchester United Shirt Virus. This one is especially hard to detect as it changes it's format every 3 months

Don't worry, real football fan anti-virus software to be available soon.
 
stunningly beautiful woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks for a tattoo on her breast, the guy in the shop almost keels over when she pulls her top off and presents the most perfect pair to him.

the guy says "i can do it no problem but im gonna have to weigh them first, just for safety purposes"

the woman says ok and stands waiting, the guy walks up to her grabs her tits and shouts "wheyyheyheyheyyyyyyy".


later, another woman walks in and asks for her clitoris to be pierced, the guy says "no problem but im gonna have to numb it first", she says ok and spreads her legs, then the guy dives in face first and says "num,num,num,num,num,num"!




anorak (with attached hood) at the ready fellas.
 
I just read about the 26 year old lesbian public school teacher who has been jailed for having a sexual relationship with a student.
Does Crimewatch take requests for reconstructions?
*hat, coat and running shoes are firmly on*
 
I want to get this going again cause I'm bored out of my mind!

I once did time in prison for stealing kitchen utensils. I got caught cause I was taking too many whisks!

Also, I had to cancel my Twitter account. Don't want to sound paranoid or anything but I think someone's following me on it.
 
Why is the Metropolitan Police Armed Response Unit like a woman with an itchy crotch?




They're both terribly sorry they went for that Brazilian.
 
I recently asked my mate's little girl what she wanted to be when she
grows up... She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day. Both of
her parents, Lib Dems, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were
Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do? '

...She replied, 'I'd give food and council houses to all the homeless
people.'

Her parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you are Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you 50 pounds... Then I'll take you over to Asda where the homeless guy hangs out and you can give him the 50 to use ... See moretoward food and a new house. '

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the 50 pounds? '

I said, 'Welcome to the Tories'.
 
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