Whats your best Joke!?!?

[yatesy94]

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in." So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to
Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me."
"I was", says Smartie, "but those Lockets are menthol!"

 

[Sultana of Brunei]

A baby balloon is in bed one night and cannot sleep as it is frightened. So it goes into his parents bed and tries to get in next to Mummy balloon and Daddy balloon but just won't fit.

So he goes round to one side of the bed and lets a little bit of air out of mummy balloon. Tries again but still wont fit. So he goes around the other side of the bed and lets a bit of air out of Daddy balloon, still wont fit.

As a last resort he lets a bit of air out of himself then tries again. Perfect! Gets in bed and with his parents and sleeps soundly.

The next morning over breakfast there is a bad atmosphere. Daddy balloon is seething.

"Whats wrong Daddy?"

"Its about last night son. You let your mum down, you let me down, but most of all you let yourself down."



*runs and hides*

 

[Jimmy14]

Two cows in a field

One turns to the other and says 'So what do you think of this madcow disease?'

The second turns round and says ' FUCK ME a talking cow'

2 cows in a field

1 turns to the other and says have you heard bout this mad cows disease?

2nd cow turns and says yeah but it doesn't effect me cause IM A TRACTOR LOL =p

 

[r01z]

Two cows in a field

One turns to the other and says 'So what do you think of this madcow disease?'

The second turns round and says ' FUCK ME a talking cow'

2 cows in a field

1 turns to the other and says have you heard bout this mad cows disease?

2nd cow turns and says yeah but it doesn't effect me cause IM A TRACTOR LOL =p

lmao touché sir

 

[jimharri]

What do you call a chav eskimo?
Inuinnit!
Please yourselves!!

 

[ibbo_mcfc]

2 parrots on a perch. 1 turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish"

 

[Anonymous]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111... ...FUCK SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!

 

[mat]

Keith floyd will be cremated tomorrow......























At gas mark 6 for 3 hours.

 

[bluemooncol]

does anyone else know that they have expiry dates on condoms?




Guess its just me who gets it all rolled out then

 

[mat]

Selling Bourbon Biscuits for 49p? That's ASDA price



Selling cheap plastic fire engines? That's Fisher Price




Selling pathetic rape claim stories.........















That's Katie Price!!!