Whats your best Joke!?!?

A bloke walks up to a girl in a club and says " My name's Bond."
She replies "Don't tell me, its James?"
"Nah" he says, "Its Uni and I'm here to fill your crack."
 
2 married men talking about sex.

1st one says "I love it doggy style, me and the missus are at it all the time"

2nd one replies "Yeah we're the same, I beg for it all night and she rolls over and plays dead"
 
mat said:
Keith floyd will be cremated tomorrow......

At gas mark 6 for 3 hours.
Click to expand...

That's terrible - have some respect. Rest in peas Keith.
 
It's not Patrick Swayze's week is it?

He'd booked Keith Floyd to do the catering at his wake.


...........................................................................


Keith Floyd has got lined up for his next job.

Presenting the next series of Hell's Kitchen
 
Doc - "Hello. How can I help you?"
Man - "I've got an orange willy doc."
Doc - "What??"
Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."
Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up.... It seems it could be a sign of stress; do you suffer from stress?
Man - "Not really"
Doc - "What about stress at work?"
Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss, I worked 80 hours week for pennies and then I got the sack"
Doc - "That sounds very stressful"
Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great - half the hours, 3 times the salary and I feel really appreciated"
Doc - "Umm... what about your home life?"
Man - "Well, my girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and puts me down every chance she gets"
Doc - "That sounds stressful"
Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."
Doc - "Umm... what about your social life?"
Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."
Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"
Man - "Watch porn and eat Wotsits"

Boom boom etc.
 
Mickey mouse goes to see his doctor.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Mickey: Well Doc lately i have been having these....Disney spells.
 
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