Whats your best Joke!?!?
- Thread starter Lmg1002
- Start date
johnmc
Well-Known Member
Woke up this morning with a tap on the door.
My plumber has a funny sense of humour.
My plumber has a funny sense of humour.
skelpomike
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Apr 2009
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- 382
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. The cat then sat back, shook it's head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been £20, but... what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan.....
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. The cat then sat back, shook it's head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been £20, but... what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan.....
bluemooncol
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- 6 Sep 2008
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- 588
The creators of 'Where's Wally?' are currently producing 'Where's Maddy?'
Sales are expected to go through the window.
Sales are expected to go through the window.
Bluemoon dan
Well-Known Member
Man : Doctor I keep thinking I'm a jellybaby.
Doctor : Dont be so stupid, I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
MAN : All right dont bite my bloody head off.....
Doctor : Dont be so stupid, I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
MAN : All right dont bite my bloody head off.....
drthingy
Well-Known Member
A man goes in to see his doctor:
Doctor: Whats the problem?
Man: Well Doc the thing is... well I need to show you something but... its really embarrassing, will you promise not to laugh?
Doctor: Do not worry ! I have seen it all!! I am a highly trained professional I have to deal with all sorts of emotions and events day in day out, Nothing you could show me would raise even a remote giggle!
Man: "ok" and with that he drops his trousers revealing a penis the length and width of a match stick.
the dr looks at it and can tries to refrain from showing the slightest smile but he just cant help it he tries to stop himself from smiling, but this small smirk appears which he tries to hide with a cough, he can feel the laughter building inside of him until its too much and he bursts out laughing. Unable to contain himself tears start rolling down his cheeks eventually the laughter subsides and he controlls himself. He clears his throat
Doctor: I am sory that was very unprofessional of me. I promise it wont happen again please forgive me now what seems to be the problem?
Man: Its swollen.
Doctor: Whats the problem?
Man: Well Doc the thing is... well I need to show you something but... its really embarrassing, will you promise not to laugh?
Doctor: Do not worry ! I have seen it all!! I am a highly trained professional I have to deal with all sorts of emotions and events day in day out, Nothing you could show me would raise even a remote giggle!
Man: "ok" and with that he drops his trousers revealing a penis the length and width of a match stick.
the dr looks at it and can tries to refrain from showing the slightest smile but he just cant help it he tries to stop himself from smiling, but this small smirk appears which he tries to hide with a cough, he can feel the laughter building inside of him until its too much and he bursts out laughing. Unable to contain himself tears start rolling down his cheeks eventually the laughter subsides and he controlls himself. He clears his throat
Doctor: I am sory that was very unprofessional of me. I promise it wont happen again please forgive me now what seems to be the problem?
Man: Its swollen.
Rusholme Ruffians
Well-Known Member
What do you call anun in a wheelchair ? Virgin Mobile
Mikeegrini
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- Joined
- 28 Jun 2009
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- 3,730
- Team supported
- City win UEFA lose, oh City....
Why can't women park cars?
Because men keep telling them this.....
Is six inches.
Because men keep telling them this.....
Is six inches.
100%manc
Well-Known Member
albinos! can't say fairer than that