I'd just split up with the first missus and went on a bender. At about 3AM I was staggering home and one of those high-pressure, liquid, 10 second warning shits sprang on me. I looked over the wall at the side of the road, but there was a 20ft drop to a river! I tried hurrying along to reach this industrial estate, but the crap was having non of it. Out it blasted, filling my gusset with tangy beer plop. I managed to get the botty-cheek brakes on after passing about 2lb's of excrement and scurried onto the industrial estate, down onto the riverbank and dropped my jeans, tore the sides of my undercrackers and launched the hammock of biz into the river, I finished my shite, then scraped around the riverbank for bits of paper and dock leaves to wipe the disaster area. Suddenly, I noticed the sound of a nearby car. I looked through the bushes and to my horror, saw a fucking police car slowly cruising around the estate, they must have seen me go through the entrance and thought I was on the rob or something! Can you imagine what they'd have made of me? Sarcastic twats. Anyway, I stayed deathly still and quiet and after what seemed like an hour, they fucked off. I staggered off home, threw my jeans in the washing machine on a HOT wash, had a shower and crawled under the duvet non the worse!