When was the last time you soiled yourself?

aphex said:
TheMightyQuinn said:
PMSL!

I've never done it at the same time but I've quickly alternated between the 2.

The trick is to be sick first then shit. If there's any splashback to be had then sick/arse beats shit/face everytime!
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he he. believe me. forget salvia... its a life changing experience.
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I too have done this,the trick to getting through it is to just stand in the bath and let it all out!!!

I've also just soiled myself with sheer excitment at the return of this thread!!!!!!!!
 
Didsbury Dave was also on the receiving end of a trouser episode many years ago at a party that we were both at. The party was in full riot mode with people climbing on furniture and dancing like Ian Curtis on speed. Suddenly DD pointed out someone swinging a pair of boxer shorts around their head with wild abandon.

Didsbury Dave found this hilarious right up to the point when a piece of slurry hit him right in the eye.

Somebody had found the pants stuffed down the back of the sofa after the owner had discharged in them and swung them round their head not realising that the offending articles were full of party poop.

Not many things make me laugh for 20 years, but that was one of them.
 
Didsberry blue said:
Didsbury Dave was also on the receiving end of a trouser episode many years ago at a party that we were both at. The party was in full riot mode with people climbing on furniture and dancing like Ian Curtis on speed. Suddenly DD pointed out someone swinging a pair of boxer shorts around their head with wild abandon.

Didsbury Dave found this hilarious right up to the point when a piece of slurry hit him right in the eye.

Somebody had found the pants stuffed down the back of the sofa after the owner had discharged in them and swung them round their head not realising that the offending articles were full of party poop.

Not many things make me laugh for 20 years, but that was one of them.
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Jesus, I'd forgotten that.

You obviously haven't.

The funniest thing about that tale, according to the many who witnessed it, was that i apparently felt a plop on my head, put my finger in it casually, smelt and then panicked, shouting "It's shit!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my voice.
 
This thread will never die!! didsbury dave: i will always keep a tab on your posts hahahahaha
 
After an all day sesh in Chorlton, I stumbled into the kebab shop, ordered and sat there with no concerns. Got my kebab and started walking towards home which was 500 yards away max. Got 100 yards away from the pub, no concerns, walked through the graveyard with all its hiding places, no concerns. Got exactly half way and the jabs kicked in. No bother i thought, clench and walk the rest of the 2 minutes home.

50 more yards and this was agony, the worst stomach pain you have ever known and I knew the eruption of Mount Etna would have nothing on what my rusty bullet hole was offering. However i was 150 yards from home and thought no matter how bad it was i would make it. I looked behind me and it was all clear to do the clenched buttocks walk for the rest of the way.

Then bamm, it came, I had no choice and i had no where to go. I had 5 seconds to do something or my strides would be full of the molten mess. So, on the pavement, after a glance back, i pulled my trollies down and let it go. Now anyone who has been in this situation knows that 5 to 10 seconds is all you need. It rifles out and its done. However, as i was squatting, a man walks past me!! I look at him, he looks at me in disgust. However then i realise its my mates dad and this guy is a good mate of my dad, he lives basically on the same road. I actually said "alright tony" to him as i was releasing.

The next day I received a cheer when i walked in the pub. He had told all and sundry. Cheers tony.

The kebab was the best I had tasted btw.
 
johnmc said:
After an all day sesh in Chorlton, I stumbled into the kebab shop, ordered and sat there with no concerns. Got my kebab and started walking towards home which was 500 yards away max. Got 100 yards away from the pub, no concerns, walked through the graveyard with all its hiding places, no concerns. Got exactly half way and the jabs kicked in. No bother i thought, clench and walk the rest of the 2 minutes home.

50 more yards and this was agony, the worst stomach pain you have ever known and I knew the eruption of Mount Etna would have nothing on what my rusty bullet hole was offering. However i was 150 yards from home and thought no matter how bad it was i would make it. I looked behind me and it was all clear to do the clenched buttocks walk for the rest of the way.

Then bamm, it came, I had no choice and i had no where to go. I had 5 seconds to do something or my strides would be full of the molten mess. So, on the pavement, after a glance back, i pulled my trollies down and let it go. Now anyone who has been in this situation knows that 5 to 10 seconds is all you need. It rifles out and its done. However, as i was squatting, a man walks past me!! I look at him, he looks at me in disgust. However then i realise its my mates dad and this guy is a good mate of my dad, he lives basically on the same road. I actually said "alright tony" to him as i was releasing.

The next day I received a cheer when i walked in the pub. He had told all and sundry. Cheers tony.

The kebab was the best I had tasted btw.
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Top drawer, John. I particularly like the pub punchline.

There are as-yet undiscovered Tribes in the mountains of Borneo who knew you would turn up on this thread.
 
Didsbury Dave said:
Top drawer, John. I particularly like the pub punchline.

There are as-yet undiscovered Tribes in the mountains of Borneo who knew you would turn up on this thread.
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I'll never live that down but there arent many in my soiling diaries. Obviously you remember the lagging thread - thats a different ball game for me. I have thousands of stories where i have peed where i shouldnt have.
 
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