Only this. It sounds like a super scary, crappy, not for me thing to do. But these people are amazing and can help you see things in a way you could never do on your own. Seriously, give them a ring pal. Could be the very thing you’re looking for
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The "let's talk" thread
- Thread starter Bill
- Start date
BlueMoonRisin’
Well-Known Member
Hi mate, sorry you're down, here to help and lend an ear.I packed the booze in three springs ago. A total clean break, Unfortunately I then replaced that addiction by upping my consumption of cocaine. Not even sociably either.. stupid really, the amount of money spent and the cost to my health..
Then April last year I packed a few things and took a new job over the Pennines where my youngest son lives with his mum and all has been ok. I get to see my lad a lot more than I have done the previous six years but and I know this sounds selfish I don't enjoy my job and don't find it easy to meet set targets. I have no social or love life and just go work then come back to the flat.
I know what I have to do to change that but I can't or won't pull myself up and do it.
Then the other day I picked up a bottle.. and I didn't stop until I was absolutely blind drunk. Missed work the next day which I'm due a proper bollocking for. I feel like I've wasted years of my life and don't see how I can improve it from here on in.
As others have suggested, I think you need to get all the weight of stress off your chest and quell your demons with professional counselling. Just been reading back a PMs between us in 2013(after you had it shite) and I can see this is a particularly raw time of year for you. Seems to me like you have underlying problems you cannot shift. I have myself and appreciate help and advice other have offered.
Here's an offer. You say you have no social life. Tell you what I'll meet you for a few scoops. If I can't cheer you up and get you laughing I'll pay for all your drinks. Blind drunk I don't do anymore, I'm not going there, horrible desolate place I once frequented too often.... Merry drunk is fine amongst friends and laughter socially: )
I'm here to help mate, others are too. Please don't suffer alone.
Bill
Well-Known Member
Top postHi mate, sorry you're down, here to help and lend an ear.
As others have suggested, I think you need to get all the weight of stress off your chest and quell your demons with professional counselling. Just been reading back a PMs between us in 2013(after you had it shite) and I can see this is a particularly raw time of year for you. Seems to me like you have underlying problems you cannot shift. I have myself and appreciate help and advice other have offered.
Here's an offer. You say you have no social life. Tell you what I'll meet you for a few scoops. If I can't cheer you up and get you laughing I'll pay for all your drinks. Blind drunk I don't do anymore, I'm not going there, horrible desolate place I once frequented too often.... Merry drunk is fine amongst friends and laughter socially: )
I'm here to help mate, others are too. Please don't suffer alone.
Top man.
BlueMoonRisin’
Well-Known Member
Thanks Bill, and thanks for starting this thread. Hope you're as well as you can be pal : )Top post
Top man.
StrangewaysHereWeCome
Well-Known Member
I want to thank you's for your replies, I can't help but agree with the suggestion of talking to my GP, I guess I'd best get registered with one, been down here best part of two years now!
@BlueMoonRisin' I had forgotten the pm exchange we had had back then! I haven't been back to read them but you've reminded me and I remember some of how supportive I found that then. Nice one, again. I'll keep my eyes open for a BM meetup and try and get over for one.
Spoke openly about what happened the other day to my gaffer and he's been more than sound.
Thanks again people.
@BlueMoonRisin' I had forgotten the pm exchange we had had back then! I haven't been back to read them but you've reminded me and I remember some of how supportive I found that then. Nice one, again. I'll keep my eyes open for a BM meetup and try and get over for one.
Spoke openly about what happened the other day to my gaffer and he's been more than sound.
Thanks again people.
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Paying for all his booze? Definitely:-)Top post
Top man.
I posted on here a few months back when I was really struggling with debts, marriage problems, my dads poor health etc and I was incredibly grateful and touched by the messages I got from people. One person even offered to lend me money which totally blew me away as he’s a complete stranger.
The new year is coming and things are a little better financially, but my marriage and impending death of my dad are beyond my control it seems. I’ve started seeing a CBT therapist twice a month and it really does help, but sadly waiting lists are ridiculous in some places on the NHS.
One thing though which I would love to change if I could is I really don’t have any friends that I can just meet up with and talk to. My one good friend is a dipper and lives over that way and we don’t get together much. So if there are any blues out there in the Lancaster area who fancy watching a game in the pub sometime then drop me a pm ok?
To those who have posted on here recently and in the past I wish you the very best for the new year and hope you get the help and support you need. There really is some good help out there whether it’s a decent gp who takes the time to listen, or even the Samaritans (they’ve got me through some very dark times).
We should never have to suffer alone, and asking for help really is the first step.
The new year is coming and things are a little better financially, but my marriage and impending death of my dad are beyond my control it seems. I’ve started seeing a CBT therapist twice a month and it really does help, but sadly waiting lists are ridiculous in some places on the NHS.
One thing though which I would love to change if I could is I really don’t have any friends that I can just meet up with and talk to. My one good friend is a dipper and lives over that way and we don’t get together much. So if there are any blues out there in the Lancaster area who fancy watching a game in the pub sometime then drop me a pm ok?
To those who have posted on here recently and in the past I wish you the very best for the new year and hope you get the help and support you need. There really is some good help out there whether it’s a decent gp who takes the time to listen, or even the Samaritans (they’ve got me through some very dark times).
We should never have to suffer alone, and asking for help really is the first step.
Prestwich_Blue
Well-Known Member
Really interesting and moving article about former City COO Chris Bird here: https://www.businesscloud.co.uk/news/son-of-harold-shipman-victim-opens-up-about-depression
Never realised his mother was one of Shipman's victims. He talks about the feeling of guilt when you think you could and should have done things differently, which might have saved someone's life. He feels that if he'd gone to be with his mother when Shipman saw her, she might have still been alive. It's something I recognise only too well from my own experience.
30 years last year, we suffered the neo-natal death of what would have been our second child. Because of issues with the first one, which ended up as an emergency section, the consultant (not the same one as the first pregnancy) agreed that a section would be carried out. I understood that was the accepted best practice in these cases. A few days before the due date, my wife got what seemed to be labour pains so into hospital she went. She wasn't in labour but they kept her in nad, in that period, the consultant decided they were going to try for an induced delivery. His senior registrar tried to explain the history but he didn't listen. Due to that, and the failure to monitor the process effectively, the baby got into distress and had to be delivered by emergency section. The damage had been done however and she died the following day. Over 30 years on, I'm still tortured by the thought that I should have insisted that he followed the original plan to deliver the baby via a planned section. But we assumed he knew what he was doing.
I really wanted to drag the **** of a consultant and everyone else involved through the courts, not because it would have changed anything for us (other than maybe closure in some way) but because it might have helped somene else in the future. I still get upset when I see similar cases to ours, sometimes where the child survived but with severe brain and other organ damage and sometimes where it didn't survive. I still think, if we'd been a bit firmer and faced the long, drawn-out process of bringing the case, however hard and wearing it would have been, that one or more of these kids might have had a chance of life.
Never realised his mother was one of Shipman's victims. He talks about the feeling of guilt when you think you could and should have done things differently, which might have saved someone's life. He feels that if he'd gone to be with his mother when Shipman saw her, she might have still been alive. It's something I recognise only too well from my own experience.
30 years last year, we suffered the neo-natal death of what would have been our second child. Because of issues with the first one, which ended up as an emergency section, the consultant (not the same one as the first pregnancy) agreed that a section would be carried out. I understood that was the accepted best practice in these cases. A few days before the due date, my wife got what seemed to be labour pains so into hospital she went. She wasn't in labour but they kept her in nad, in that period, the consultant decided they were going to try for an induced delivery. His senior registrar tried to explain the history but he didn't listen. Due to that, and the failure to monitor the process effectively, the baby got into distress and had to be delivered by emergency section. The damage had been done however and she died the following day. Over 30 years on, I'm still tortured by the thought that I should have insisted that he followed the original plan to deliver the baby via a planned section. But we assumed he knew what he was doing.
I really wanted to drag the **** of a consultant and everyone else involved through the courts, not because it would have changed anything for us (other than maybe closure in some way) but because it might have helped somene else in the future. I still get upset when I see similar cases to ours, sometimes where the child survived but with severe brain and other organ damage and sometimes where it didn't survive. I still think, if we'd been a bit firmer and faced the long, drawn-out process of bringing the case, however hard and wearing it would have been, that one or more of these kids might have had a chance of life.
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
I’m up in Manchester soon-ish for a visit. Happy to see anyone for beer / food if they need a mate. I’m a good listener and can usually deal with other people’s problems more than my own.
On a side note, I’m in touch with my closest and oldest friend of all time again after he disappeared. The crap he’s been through. Childhood neglect, alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, depression, self harm. His mum had five kids from five different fathers and he never knew who his dad was. He’s left Manchester and moved to the Midlands. Can’t wait to see him. I trust that lad with my life.
On a side note, I’m in touch with my closest and oldest friend of all time again after he disappeared. The crap he’s been through. Childhood neglect, alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, depression, self harm. His mum had five kids from five different fathers and he never knew who his dad was. He’s left Manchester and moved to the Midlands. Can’t wait to see him. I trust that lad with my life.
That post makes me want to live in Manchester :-)I’m up in Manchester soon-ish for a visit. Happy to see anyone for beer / food if they need a mate. I’m a good listener and can usually deal with other people’s problems more than my own.
On a side note, I’m in touch with my closest and oldest friend of all time again after he disappeared. The crap he’s been through. Childhood neglect, alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, depression, self harm. His mum had five kids from five different fathers and he never knew who his dad was. He’s left Manchester and moved to the Midlands. Can’t wait to see him. I trust that lad with my life.
Seriously though, I hope it goes great with your friend. Relationships like that are priceless!
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
That post makes me want to live in Manchester :-)
Seriously though, I hope it goes great with your friend. Relationships like that are priceless!
We’ve had our ups and downs. He’s got a heart of gold but is thick as a plank. I don’t know a stupider person. However, he has no prejudice or snobbery and would talk to anyone. He’s more personable than me, certainly. He must owe me £100 in drinks, lends etc. I’ll never ask for it back.
shackattack
Well-Known Member
watched losing it -our mental health emergency on C4 catch up earlier- brings it home just how lucky we are.
kaz7
Well-Known Member
It's such a big problem,it's time more funding went to deal with it and it can happen to anyone out of the blue,it's a nightmare to live with,i've been stood on beachy head twice,it's can take you to very dark placespeople need to talk and talk and talkwatched losing it -our mental health emergency on C4 catch up earlier- brings it home just how lucky we are.
Hes the left back remember
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 15 Dec 2009
- Messages
- 1,184
Its all well and good having these programmes and celebrities highlighting the importance of mental health but try accessing treatment.
We were told six weeks for appt following referral from our GP.This turned out be be with a clinical nurse who then said we had to make further appt with consultant as she could not prescribe meds.We had meds from our GP but with no effect he recommended stronger drug but would want specialist ie Psychiatrist to prescribe hence the referral.
They couldn't give us time scale as consultant only visited the crisis centre twice a week.
We have ended up going private with a consultant and therapist.
Doing everything else recommended exercise daily,long walks ,keeping occupied etc
Its an awful time and my partner is in a dark place and feels desperate.
We were told six weeks for appt following referral from our GP.This turned out be be with a clinical nurse who then said we had to make further appt with consultant as she could not prescribe meds.We had meds from our GP but with no effect he recommended stronger drug but would want specialist ie Psychiatrist to prescribe hence the referral.
They couldn't give us time scale as consultant only visited the crisis centre twice a week.
We have ended up going private with a consultant and therapist.
Doing everything else recommended exercise daily,long walks ,keeping occupied etc
Its an awful time and my partner is in a dark place and feels desperate.
shilly8903
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 11 May 2012
- Messages
- 433
Thought i would give a quick update on one of my previous posts about my battles with addiction. As of today im 24 days clean and sober minus half a spliff, which isnt an issue as i cannot cope with where it takes my mind. 24 days might not seem a lot but its a massive milestone for me, i litterally could not go 3 days without fucking my life up. Its mostly been quite easy being honest but the warning signs are there. Having dreams most nights about doing coke, litterly devasted in my dream that i have fucked it again. Ive also seriously thought about getting a bag twice one being tonight luckily for me bank card was hidden from me by wife before she went to bed, that will probably hit home where this shit takes you that she even has to do that, she knows its payday. Im very lucky. Maybe i need to start going to a few anonymous meetings, something which ive not been doing this time but i think the extra help might help. Generally i just feel like somethings changed in me i want an actually life, a nice life for my family. Im 31 soon and ive literally fucked my whole life up in that time. I did gamble last week something else i have a serious issue with too. Hopefully that doesnt happen this week. I know so much about recovery from rehab and meetings and the most important thing is being honest and telling someone how you feel because it takes it away from you. I know this post will help me get through tomorrow staying sober. Good luck for 2020 everyone
Patientman63
Well-Known Member
Thought i would give a quick update on one of my previous posts about my battles with addiction. As of today im 24 days clean and sober minus half a spliff, which isnt an issue as i cannot cope with where it takes my mind. 24 days might not seem a lot but its a massive milestone for me, i litterally could not go 3 days without fucking my life up. Its mostly been quite easy being honest but the warning signs are there. Having dreams most nights about doing coke, litterly devasted in my dream that i have fucked it again. Ive also seriously thought about getting a bag twice one being tonight luckily for me bank card was hidden from me by wife before she went to bed, that will probably hit home where this shit takes you that she even has to do that, she knows its payday. Im very lucky. Maybe i need to start going to a few anonymous meetings, something which ive not been doing this time but i think the extra help might help. Generally i just feel like somethings changed in me i want an actually life, a nice life for my family. Im 31 soon and ive literally fucked my whole life up in that time. I did gamble last week something else i have a serious issue with too. Hopefully that doesnt happen this week. I know so much about recovery from rehab and meetings and the most important thing is being honest and telling someone how you feel because it takes it away from you. I know this post will help me get through tomorrow staying sober. Good luck for 2020 everyone
A huge post.
Just for today Shilly. And get along to and use those groups, there's strength in numbers.
Nebuchadnezzar
Well-Known Member
Thought i would give a quick update on one of my previous posts about my battles with addiction. As of today im 24 days clean and sober minus half a spliff, which isnt an issue as i cannot cope with where it takes my mind. 24 days might not seem a lot but its a massive milestone for me, i litterally could not go 3 days without fucking my life up. Its mostly been quite easy being honest but the warning signs are there. Having dreams most nights about doing coke, litterly devasted in my dream that i have fucked it again. Ive also seriously thought about getting a bag twice one being tonight luckily for me bank card was hidden from me by wife before she went to bed, that will probably hit home where this shit takes you that she even has to do that, she knows its payday. Im very lucky. Maybe i need to start going to a few anonymous meetings, something which ive not been doing this time but i think the extra help might help. Generally i just feel like somethings changed in me i want an actually life, a nice life for my family. Im 31 soon and ive literally fucked my whole life up in that time. I did gamble last week something else i have a serious issue with too. Hopefully that doesnt happen this week. I know so much about recovery from rehab and meetings and the most important thing is being honest and telling someone how you feel because it takes it away from you. I know this post will help me get through tomorrow staying sober. Good luck for 2020 everyone
Good lad, that's a brilliant effort and not something that is done easily. Day by day. Dreams are just dreams - try to ignore them. If you keep doing exactly what you've been doing over the last 24 days, you'll win this. You're in control.
I think it's increasingly important to emphasise the 'day by day' mantra. Look at the steps in front of you right now. So many things can alter from one day to the next, thinking too much about what's going to happen in the future (I know you have to plan ahead...) isn't much help.
I've had a pretty torrid month....Christmas was a wash out due to flu which exacerbated pretty much everything. I couldn't run or go to the gym and my wellbeing sank to the bottom once again. When I have moments of clarity I'm actually angry with myself for getting like this again. Following the split and subsequent breakdown 2 years ago I managed over the past year to change into something I've never been before (far more focussed, happy and confident) so you can perhaps understand where the anger here came from.
I'm now in the process of moving out of the family room and I'm not taking it too well. Deep down I know it's the right thing, but losing the home (the one I stripped bare and practically rebuilt internally) is heart breaking. Moving to a tiny flat (fortunately five mins away from the kids) isn't doing my thought processes much good. I'm also going to desperately miss the dog I never wanted (not a dog persons/allergic to them) but ended up falling in love with.
We have an agreement that I can pop round the old home any time (and they can to the flat...but its not particularly big enough for the kids to stay comfortably). I'll have to to help out with the continuing refurb (I said I would), although it's pretty much out of my hands (the house legally). What can I do though? I could never personally turf the family out (or a partner never mind how hard it became) and I'm pleased the kids have a nice home and nice area to be brought up in.
Forward thinking, I'm finding it hard as I'm having to start again (at 46)...I'll be renting for some time I think but be nigh on impossible for me to buy anything round here and as I'm a 'doer upper' would much prefer to buy rather than rent. I'm in the process of a career change too so I've got a shit load of struggles in my head.
The saving grace for me was joining a gym. My 15 year old daughter (suffers with Asperger's/ASD) wants to go every day (she's discovered power lifting and all the associated techniques and she has an incredible brain). She's been hugely boosted by all this (she's pretty relentless and obsessive once she gets sets her mind to it) and her confidence levels are higher than ever (she has missed pretty much 3 years of school). This in turn has kept my head just above water alongside running. I also do yoga and mediation (which I want to explore further) which is helping a lot (I only drink sparingly if I'm in a buoyant mood).
My focus now is just cracking on this year and looking for somewhere a little larger and plusher next year. I've mainly freelanced whilst at the old home (bearing in mind my daughter has needed someone home with her during this time) so my own mortgage wise...I'm not sure - I'll have to organise a meeting with an advisor in the near future.
I don't feel too bad today writing this but I've been as low as I could get (fortunately not 'breakdown down') but I do think these experiences make you far more stoical.
Time to hold on and focus now.
Most people I meet daily would think I'm fine and dandy. I did a project presentation in front of 60 people (some from the tech industry) a couple of weeks back and a few remarked I should be a public speaker...I'd literally never done that before in my life and for many, many years could barely bring myself to look into peoples eyes such was my shyness/anxieties. Life's funny eh?
Any critiques/tips on this greatly received.
Thanks.
I've had a pretty torrid month....Christmas was a wash out due to flu which exacerbated pretty much everything. I couldn't run or go to the gym and my wellbeing sank to the bottom once again. When I have moments of clarity I'm actually angry with myself for getting like this again. Following the split and subsequent breakdown 2 years ago I managed over the past year to change into something I've never been before (far more focussed, happy and confident) so you can perhaps understand where the anger here came from.
I'm now in the process of moving out of the family room and I'm not taking it too well. Deep down I know it's the right thing, but losing the home (the one I stripped bare and practically rebuilt internally) is heart breaking. Moving to a tiny flat (fortunately five mins away from the kids) isn't doing my thought processes much good. I'm also going to desperately miss the dog I never wanted (not a dog persons/allergic to them) but ended up falling in love with.
We have an agreement that I can pop round the old home any time (and they can to the flat...but its not particularly big enough for the kids to stay comfortably). I'll have to to help out with the continuing refurb (I said I would), although it's pretty much out of my hands (the house legally). What can I do though? I could never personally turf the family out (or a partner never mind how hard it became) and I'm pleased the kids have a nice home and nice area to be brought up in.
Forward thinking, I'm finding it hard as I'm having to start again (at 46)...I'll be renting for some time I think but be nigh on impossible for me to buy anything round here and as I'm a 'doer upper' would much prefer to buy rather than rent. I'm in the process of a career change too so I've got a shit load of struggles in my head.
The saving grace for me was joining a gym. My 15 year old daughter (suffers with Asperger's/ASD) wants to go every day (she's discovered power lifting and all the associated techniques and she has an incredible brain). She's been hugely boosted by all this (she's pretty relentless and obsessive once she gets sets her mind to it) and her confidence levels are higher than ever (she has missed pretty much 3 years of school). This in turn has kept my head just above water alongside running. I also do yoga and mediation (which I want to explore further) which is helping a lot (I only drink sparingly if I'm in a buoyant mood).
My focus now is just cracking on this year and looking for somewhere a little larger and plusher next year. I've mainly freelanced whilst at the old home (bearing in mind my daughter has needed someone home with her during this time) so my own mortgage wise...I'm not sure - I'll have to organise a meeting with an advisor in the near future.
I don't feel too bad today writing this but I've been as low as I could get (fortunately not 'breakdown down') but I do think these experiences make you far more stoical.
Time to hold on and focus now.
Most people I meet daily would think I'm fine and dandy. I did a project presentation in front of 60 people (some from the tech industry) a couple of weeks back and a few remarked I should be a public speaker...I'd literally never done that before in my life and for many, many years could barely bring myself to look into peoples eyes such was my shyness/anxieties. Life's funny eh?
Any critiques/tips on this greatly received.
Thanks.
Magicpole
Well-Known Member
Thought i would give a quick update on one of my previous posts about my battles with addiction. As of today im 24 days clean and sober minus half a spliff, which isnt an issue as i cannot cope with where it takes my mind. 24 days might not seem a lot but its a massive milestone for me, i litterally could not go 3 days without fucking my life up. Its mostly been quite easy being honest but the warning signs are there. Having dreams most nights about doing coke, litterly devasted in my dream that i have fucked it again. Ive also seriously thought about getting a bag twice one being tonight luckily for me bank card was hidden from me by wife before she went to bed, that will probably hit home where this shit takes you that she even has to do that, she knows its payday. Im very lucky. Maybe i need to start going to a few anonymous meetings, something which ive not been doing this time but i think the extra help might help. Generally i just feel like somethings changed in me i want an actually life, a nice life for my family. Im 31 soon and ive literally fucked my whole life up in that time. I did gamble last week something else i have a serious issue with too. Hopefully that doesnt happen this week. I know so much about recovery from rehab and meetings and the most important thing is being honest and telling someone how you feel because it takes it away from you. I know this post will help me get through tomorrow staying sober. Good luck for 2020 everyone
Good luck to you mate. It won't be easy but how you feel about life without changing, is far worse. You're right to feel good about your days clean. I hope you make it to a better place, you've made a great start.
Magicpole
Well-Known Member
Hi mate, sorry you're down, here to help and lend an ear.
As others have suggested, I think you need to get all the weight of stress off your chest and quell your demons with professional counselling. Just been reading back a PMs between us in 2013(after you had it shite) and I can see this is a particularly raw time of year for you. Seems to me like you have underlying problems you cannot shift. I have myself and appreciate help and advice other have offered.
Here's an offer. You say you have no social life. Tell you what I'll meet you for a few scoops. If I can't cheer you up and get you laughing I'll pay for all your drinks. Blind drunk I don't do anymore, I'm not going there, horrible desolate place I once frequented too often.... Merry drunk is fine amongst friends and laughter socially: )
I'm here to help mate, others are too. Please don't suffer alone.
Brilliant post you ****.
And on the drinking challenge? I would like to take you up on that. With your patter I won't spend a coin. With my patter you will be laughing so much, spending £300 will seem well worth it. A fucking bargain. I just remembered I drink expensive malts, better make it £400.