Joke thread

DazWA9 said:
Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome. They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.

“When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city,” Pompey said, “and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls.”

“I invaded Gaul,” Caesar said, “and I too slew 100,000 Gauls.”

So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double
Click to expand...
Some jokes are so bad, they're good.
 
DazWA9 said:
Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome. They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.

“When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city,” Pompey said, “and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls.”

“I invaded Gaul,” Caesar said, “and I too slew 100,000 Gauls.”

So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double
Click to expand...
Cheered me up....
 
Olaf the Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," says the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
She replies, "Well, I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
 
BackofJeanette said:
Olaf the Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," says the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
She replies, "Well, I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
Click to expand...

You need lockdown in rampton that is fucking shite:)
 
BlueMoonRisin' said:
A Limerick

There once was a virus called 'rona
Bored fapping has caused me glaucoma
I've fapped thrice a day from porn on display
And now I've become a sperm donor
Click to expand...

I caught the virus in wuhan
While I was having sex with my mam
I thought oh no this must be a joke
But I’ve now infected the rest of my family on my return to stoke:)

Inbred fuckers
 
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