Joke thread

[Uwe Already]

A man walked into a pet shop he said 12 bees please the assistant counted 13 and gave them to him, I asked for 12 he said oh don’t worry replied the assistant it’s a free bee

I went to my local pet shop and said “I’ll have a wasp please”.

The assistant said “we don’t sell wasps”

I replied “well, you’ve got one in the window!”

 

[blue44]

 

[kippaxneil]

I recently entered a competition to design a poster for the Erectile Dysfunction awareness campaign.
I am pleased to announce that I've made it to the semis.

 

[dickie davies]

A man is tasked with buying a retirement present for a work colleague
He walks down a high street searching for inspiration and then looks at a shop window which is displaying some beautiful watches and clocks
"A ha" he thinks, so into the shop he goes
He greets the shop assistant with a good morning and then asks "how much would a carriage clock cost?"
"I'm sorry we don't sell clocks. Our business is castrating dogs and cats" the assistant replied
The man, clearly confused asks " well why then have you clocks and other time pieces in the window?"
The assistant said " what would you suggest we display in the window!"

 

[ray21]

A bloke came up to me and said “Are those thick lens glasses you’re wearing?..I said “ no they’re mine.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I was at a climbing centre the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall…Honestly, you couldn't make it up!

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

Two aerials on the same roof fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't up to much but the reception was excellent.

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

I recall during a school English lesson the teachers explaining that in some language, a double negative is still negative but, in English, it becomes a positive. He added however, that in no language does a double positive ever become a negative.
"Yeah, right"

 

[Blue Mist]

Two aerials on the same roof fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't up to much but the reception was excellent.

Very good but how old is that joke !

Max Miller ?

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

Very good but how old is that joke !

Max Miller ?

Saw the joke on the internet when searching for a new aerial. I'd not heard it before and didn't realise it was an oldie.

 

[Blue Mist]

Saw the joke on the internet when searching for a new aerial. I'd not heard it before and didn't realise it was an oldie.

You were looking for an aerial!! That's the only reason I thought it was old. Do people still use them !

 

[KS55]

You were looking for an aerial!! That's the only reason I thought it was old. Do people still use them !

Other things that are obsolete: aerials.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Very good but how old is that joke !

Max Miller ?

I remember Tommy Cooper using it in the 70's.

 

[aguero93:20]

I remember Tommy Cooper using it in the 70's.

An aerial or the joke?

 

[RadcliffeRick]

An aerial or the joke?

Using the aerial was Rod Hull if memory serves me correctly.

 

[Xhavenjoe]

Using the aerial was Rod Hull if memory serves me correctly.

That didn't work out that well.

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

 

[balotellishaircut]

Iv been told that my grammar is very poor, but I don’t believe them.

Only last week she gave me £20

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

There is a French film production of Pride & Prejudice with subtitles. It's called L'Austen Translation

 

[MCFC68]