Dementia

stonerblue said:
Music.
Play them some old tunes that they have memories of. Scientifically proven to help
Click to expand...
Yes, its often the last thing to go - was with my mum, so singing some of the old songs with her helped. At Church we have a Musical Memories session once a month with a small band and words projected on a screen - a number of local care homes bring some of their residents. Elsewhere they have had a Football Memories session.

With Mrs Cassandra's aunt we could play dominoes with her. Finding something like that helps.
 
Was just about to post the same. Only 67 as well. Will only make it to 75 based on average life expectancy. Shit.
 
It is a wicked disease and from what I have experienced and read, everyone’s experience of it is unique to them. It robs personality, the very essence of who a person is and Is pretty random about what it leaves and what it takes. Incrementally, sometimes little things, sometimes big chunks go. In my mums case, her vascular dementia plateaued for periods and then would deteriorate rapidly before plateauing again. To use the bookshelf analogy, sometimes a whole shelf is cleared, sometimes just a novel. The thing to remember always is their behaviours are never their fault irrespective of how they make you feel. They can be hilarious, nasty, unreasonable, heartbroken, sometimes within a matter of moments of each other. You need the patience of a saint when asked the same impossible question over and over again.

We left mum too long in her own premises and if I had the time again would have reacted sooner to get her somewhere she had 24 hour care. Her last few years were mainly happy, being looked after in an environment where she was cared for by brilliant professionals who looked after her with great patience, sensitivity and love. Towards the end, although she showed no sign of recognition we got the occasional squeeze when we held her hand. Memory books and music worked better than anything else in cheering her up and exercising her memory. The pandemic was so so hard. Difficult enough for folk that understood why things were as they were but for those poor souls with dementia in care it was horrible.

i feel the best and most important thing I ever did for her was to spend lots of effort in choosing the best care home. My sister and I visited many until we found one that stood out. We then had a long battle with the local council to get her in which thank god we won.

my heart goes out to anyone with a loved one suffering. It’s a road that is very difficult and is littered with some laughs but many days that are hard as iron. unloading and talking about it certainly helps ease the burden a little though.
 
a little update....

(but firstly i wish i hadn't written about the monday teatime family stress, it gave a bad impression and it's never got like that before.. my sister was speaking normally to me next day and i had a good chat with mum on the phone as well)

But Mum's seriously ill in hospital with Covid, Sepsis, and pneumonia. I just can't believe it. It explains the way she was so so worse on Sunday and not herself - that was the sepsis confusion starting but we thought it was just dementia on a worse worse day, and the weak walking. But we didnt know.

We found her collapsed on Wednesday afternoon, the ambulance said we should get to the hospital as quick as we can as she's very very ill. When we then got lead to the relatives room i thought oh god this is it.
They said she has Covid, which has let in sepsis, and pneumonia is her entire right lung. They were not optimistic, but said take it day by day.

The longest loving night sat there holding her hands. And the good thing is she's improved, they're very pleased. After 48 hours i've finally come home for the night and from tomorrow me and my sister will be there in shifts rather than together, although to be honest i'm scared of not being there for something big... though accepted i needed a sleep so agreed to come home briefly, so we'll see.


i love her i love her i love her, and we were sat there those first hours just like no, this cant be how it finishes, covid, we worked so hard for 3 years to keep her safe, and that is not what is taking her.

I'm a bit of a sleep deprived mess, but wanted to post, that we know why sunday at football and monday at home she was just very different, it was this starting to confuse and shut things down. My sister took her out last week and that could've been when covid got her.

I've lost my voice and can't breathe very well, and i just need her to keeop improving, get better, you're not leaving me - i love you mum. i love you.
 
Last edited:
Meant to say i know anyone reading this will be putting out strong positive thoughts for mum, i really really appreciate that. I'll be back there at the hospital 6am til midnight tomorrow, and will stay over again in a flash if she needs me to.. I need to get a good idea from the doctor tomorrow on how things are really going..
 
Last edited:
kippaxkid74 said:
Meant to say i know anyone reading this will be putting out strong positive thoughts for mum, i really really appreciate that. I'll be back there at the hospital 6am til midnight tomorrow, and will stay over again in a flash if she needs me to.. I need to get a good idea from the doctor tomorrow on how things are really going..
Click to expand...
Sending best wishes and thoughts your way. My mum had sepsis a couple of years back and it was a shock, one minute debating calling the doctor in the morning, and the next being told it's life or death.

But it's also amazing how quickly they can address it and get things back on track. I hope today is the start of that for you.

Don't stress about previous posts either, have you seen what some others put up on bluemoon! The beauty of here is there is some anonymity anyway, nobody knows you from the next poster, second nobody makes the right calls every time and never questions themselves so give yourself a break, and last it's clear you've all gathered round in a crisis which is as much as any family can do and shows that your mum did a great job, she'll be proud I am sure. Today can be better, not saying it will be, but it could be :)

I used to have this stupid little winnie the pooh quote framed on my wall, I don't even like the overstuffed bear but the quote is lovely
 

Attachments

  • 465fbd5080b9d1bbf9be9633a440009c.jpg
    465fbd5080b9d1bbf9be9633a440009c.jpg
    69.1 KB · Views: 29
Last edited:
kippaxkid74 said:
Meant to say i know anyone reading this will be putting out strong positive thoughts for mum, i really really appreciate that. I'll be back there at the hospital 6am til midnight tomorrow, and will stay over again in a flash if she needs me to.. I need to get a good idea from the doctor tomorrow on how things are really going..
Click to expand...
Thoughts are with you mate. Hope you get positive news and my DMs open of need to chat.bMy partner's mother was removed from hospital to care home for end of life care. Partner's brother and sister came home from Australia and Boston expecting to say their goodbyes. She had covid in hospital and had basically given up. Not eating, drinking of taking meds. That was last Feb and picked up once in care home and still in it now. Has good and bad days but lot better than this time last year.
 
stonerblue said:
Music.
Play them some old tunes that they have memories of. Scientifically proven to help
Click to expand...
We always play my partner's mum old stuff and she sings along to Long way to Tipperary and stuff like that, knowing every word but could tell me what she had to eat for dinner hour earlier
 
Dementia - for me - is the worst possible disease. It transforms those infected into - at best - someone less - but often - into someone else entirely.

Some - such as my brother - have stated that if they were to die from disease, they'd prefer to die from dementia - pain free. I don't understand this at all. For me, I'd prefer any other form of disease however painful. At least I'd be me up until the end - faculties intact. And not some lesser someone else.
 
BlueMoonAcrossThePond said:
Dementia - for me - is the worst possible disease. It transforms those infected into - at best - someone less - but often - into someone else entirely.

Some - such as my brother - have stated that if they were to die from disease, they'd prefer to die from dementia - pain free. I don't understand this at all. For me, I'd prefer any other form of disease however painful. At least I'd be me up until the end - faculties intact. And not some lesser someone else.
Click to expand...
I watched my mother die from liver cancer, and my father from dementia, from a purely selfish perspective the former was much more preferable and dignified. Dementia is horrendous.
 
BlueMoonAcrossThePond said:
Dementia - for me - is the worst possible disease. It transforms those infected into - at best - someone less - but often - into someone else entirely.

Some - such as my brother - have stated that if they were to die from disease, they'd prefer to die from dementia - pain free. I don't understand this at all. For me, I'd prefer any other form of disease however painful. At least I'd be me up until the end - faculties intact. And not some lesser someone else.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure. I thought a great deal about the quality of life my mum had with dementia and she often said this to me. ‘I’m happy because I can’t remember anything to worry about’. That was before the disease progressed to the final stages when she was very often troubled and unhappy. That stage lasted about a year but she lived with dementia for nearly 10 years so who is to say. As the case for assisted suicide progresses I wonder how they will deal with dementia. I’m glad that smarter people than me will have to wrestle with that one.
 
She’s yet to be diagnosed but I’m convinced my mum has early offset at 76. In a ten minute chat, she asked me three times what I’d been up to last weekend. I had to deal with her house sale exclusively because she’d not manage it on her own.

I’m just rolling with it. I don’t correct anything she says and deal with everything with patience. It’s sad but I smile throughout.
 
My sister will be 60 on Monday. My absolute rock, few of us spent the day reminiscing, laughing, crying, eating n drinking. I've book hotel, family staying in it. She won't remember most of it tomorrow but fingers crossed the photos and videos will jog her memory down the line
 

Attachments

  • Compress_20230304_222635_5458.jpg
    Compress_20230304_222635_5458.jpg
    279.3 KB · Views: 43
Last edited:
BlueMoonAcrossThePond said:
Dementia - for me - is the worst possible disease. It transforms those infected into - at best - someone less - but often - into someone else entirely.

Some - such as my brother - have stated that if they were to die from disease, they'd prefer to die from dementia - pain free. I don't understand this at all. For me, I'd prefer any other form of disease however painful. At least I'd be me up until the end - faculties intact. And not some lesser someone else.
Click to expand...
It is really bad to watch people you know loosing their minds day by day.
All we can do is to take care of our health now and hope we gonna keep our sanity in couple of years.
Healthy food, vitamins (i read information about those on canadian pharmacy website), some exercises here and there - all those things might help us and create a better future.
 
Last edited:
My dad has Dementia he is in his 80s. It drives my mum also in her 80s mad. For him he seems ok, he gets confused sometimes but his temperament is good, he remains calm, can have a laugh but forgets most things, can't follow a game of football, remains very quiet but for now does remember who everyone is.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top