When Oasis were swaggering about the place in the mid-90s, all strut, confidence and, erm, nosebleeds there was something about Manchester that gave it an indefatigable air. The all-conquering band of the masses had fans the length and breadth of the country, much like Manchester United still do. But then the Britpop dream faded, Oasis went by the by and we were left with little more than the odd tribute act. Which is where Embrace walked in.
After which tortured introductioning, the Fiver cuts to the point: because if Oasis are Lord Ferg (stick with us … please) then Embrace represent the Lidl Lord Ferg, or David Moyes as he is to the rest of us. The Lidl Lord Ferg does his best. He's not quite as good, but he tries. He might not have a hairdryer, but he can do Bad Looks. Just as Lord Ferg's United career got off to a shaky start, tribute act Lidl Lord Ferg is doing his best to jack the purple one's swag, albeit by losing to the likes of Singha All Stars, Yokohama F-Marinos and drawing against AIK last night rather than to the top-flight opposition Lord Ferg did in the early years.
But it's in the transfer market that the Lidl Lord Ferg has excelled himself. Just as Embrace did all the big talking of their idols Oasis, so Moyes has been keen to tee up some exotic names for his first major signing at Old Trafford. He purred about Cesc Fábregas after Manchester United's first failed bid. He cooed about him after their second. "I can't say anything about it," he growled through gritted teeth last night when asked about the prospect of a third doomed bid, the deal as apparently dead in the water as Jaws in the seconds after Martin Brody took aim at his kisser.
And so Lidl Lord Ferg has taken another leaf out of Embrace's songbook. Come Back To What You Know is the Yorkshire warblers most famous song and it's playing in a loop in Moyes's head right now. Next on his shopping list is his former Everton charge Marouane Fellaini, with a Leighton Baines bid presumably not far behind. Handily, given he was probably involved in drawing up the thing, Moyes knows there's a £23.5m buyout clause in Fellaini's contract which expires on 15 August meaning they've another week to nip in and do themselves the underwhelming deal neither United fans nor Everton fans much want. Oh, Lidl Lord Ferg! Still, at least there is one thing Moyes is doing just as well as his predecessor. He seems to have got right on Wayne Rooney's wick. So there's hope for him yet.