Favourite lines from Viz

[the plasterer]

Top tip

Always keep an empty bottle of milk in your fridge just in case someone comes round who has black coffee.

pmsl

 

[idahoblues]

Roger's Profanisaurus;

Humber Bridge 1. n.
Suspended estuary crossing which connects Grimsby to Hull
2. The thing on a lady which links the fishy bit to the shitty bit.
The taint,tinter,carse

Rusty Zip n.
An improperly wiped buttock cleft, where the shit has been spread about and left to dry out. Robert smith's mouth

I would have added
'Walter Weaver and his Band of Beavers' but don't want the thread to get pulled

 

[dan_bo]

Roger's Profanisaurus;



Rusty Zip n.
An improperly wiped buttock cleft, where the shit has been spread about and left to dry out. Robert smith's mouth

Ive just cried laughing.

 

[hackneyslim]

Rude Kid, genius, my fav of his was "piss up a rope fuckstick"

Beat me to it. Framed on the wall.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Mrs Brady mentioning her ' back passage'. 8 ace, strange how any mention of monetary value always adds up to £1.49.

On a side note, the issue showing the 'Thieving gypsy bastards' resulted in a court case being brought by the leader of a ' gypsy clan' who was later found to have a record for theft and handling stolen goods.......classic

 

[kippaxblue76]

Sid the sexist,,,"ow pet can you drive ? "yes" "well back onto this then"

 

[blueian99]

Favourite headline for an story about a failed assassination attempt on The Beatles:

Top Pop Mop Top Pot Shot Plot Flops

 

[west didsblue]

Sid the sexist,,,"ow pet can you drive ? "yes" "well back onto this then"

And
Do you like chicken?
We'll suck on this, it's foul

Best name for a character was Jump Jet Fanny and her Hawker Siddely Twat

 

[roman totale]

Impressed by their TV advertising campaign that they ‘don’t make cereals for anyone else’ I purchased a packet of Kellogg’s Cornflakes. Imagine my dismay when, two days later, I discovered my neighbour has a packet also.

Love Viz. Along with Private Eye, the only UK publication I still subscribe to and get sent over.

Used to have them all from about 1985 onwards. That comic shop on Hanging Ditch was the only place you could get it back then.

 

[johnny on the spot]

 

[Chris in London]

AVOID WASTING MONEY on personalised number plates. It is much cheaper to change your name by deed poll so that it matches your car.

Yours faithfully

M 326 GRW (Mrs)

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Save money on buying expensive binoculars by simply standing closer to the object you want to look at.

 

[stonerblue]

Re-spraying your car?
Cover it in cling film first then if you don't like the colour simply peel it off..

 

[Burnage Burnsy]

I remember Paul Whicker the Tall Vicar having a Fuck the Pope jumble sale. Funny as fuck.

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

Mr Logic choking on a Christmas pudding sixpence:

Fascinating! My trachea is partially occluded by the token of renumeration concealed in my festive meal.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Fom the annals of the profanisaurus;

'Dog in a bath' n.

''I was shagging the wife the other night, and accidentally called out her sister's name, when I was on the vinegar strokes. It was like trying to keep a dog in a bath.

'Knickers like Curt Cobain's ceiling:' sim.

Telling phrase descriptive of the situation that sometimes obtains when a lady has taken insufficient precautions to protect her fairy hammock whilst she's got the painters in.

 

[Second Skin]

[bigimg]http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/12/18/653955164509e61c02b9b6d9706b60ad.jpg[/bigimg]

 

[Always Ali]

Frankenstein's Knob was an absolute classic - "Look, perfect in every detail"

And the "Photo Love" stories were genius!

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Are you calling my pint a puff ?

 

[hgblue]

Photocopy your tits and win a prize.