Favourite lines from Viz

[Sir peace frog]

Fom the annals of the profanisaurus;

'Dog in a bath' n.

''I was shagging the wife the other night, and accidentally called out her sister's name, when I was on the vinegar strokes. It was like trying to keep a dog in a bath.

'Knickers like Curt Cobain's ceiling:' sim.

Telling phrase descriptive of the situation that sometimes obtains when a lady has taken insufficient precautions to protect her fairy hammock whilst she's got the painters in.

haha dog in the bath

 

[Danish Blue]

Whilst driving home last night my car mounted the pavement knocking down the neighbour's wife, when I approached him for reparations for the damage to my vehicle he punched me squarely on the chin.
Do any of your other readers have such neighbour problems?

 

[PragueBlue]

I think it was from the Fat Slags.

After a drunken night one says "My mouth feels like the bottom of a birdcage"

To which the other replies "Well you did have a cock or two in it last night"

Still makes me chuckle thinking about it.

 

[Blue Mist]

I remember this one caused a bit of an outrage!

Not sure if it has been covered but the follow up to this was hilarious. The gypsies sued them so they printed an apology which went something like this .........

Last month we printed a headline Thieving Gypsy Bastards, we should not have used the headline Thieving Gypsy Bastards, they are not Thieving Gypsy Bastards and we should never have called them Thieving Gypsy Bastards. We will not call them Thieving Gypsy Bastards again.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

'Did she have a hairy fanny?'
'It was like Terry Waites' allotment.'

 

[idahoblues]

Roger's Profanisaurus

Birkenhead Confetti........... Gravel

 

[Bill]

lawence logic whilst working at macdonolds.

"foodstuffs are not concious let alone emotive"

after someone asked for a happy meal.

 

[Bill]

i think my all time favourite has to be one of the "live" comic strips. the one where the guy couldn't speak and could only communicate through the medium of darnce. look it up. piss funny.

 

[BimboBob]

[bigimg]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bS3bcj1QnAE/Tc_ZssEWRHI/AAAAAAAAESA/hA0Z9yUMCrc/s1600/IMG_7774.jpg[/bigimg]

 

[Bill]

[bigimg]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bS3bcj1QnAE/Tc_ZssEWRHI/AAAAAAAAESA/hA0Z9yUMCrc/s1600/IMG_7774.jpg[/bigimg]

pmsl.
its juvenile i know but i love it.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

'Scottish Yoga' n.
A hot bath and a can of of Tennants super.

'Rip Snorter' n.
A 'Bakewell Tart' that sounds like Douglas Fairbanks junior sliding down the canvas sail of a square-rigged pirate ship on his dagger.

 

[bonespost]

Feed your cat gold and silver glitter,and make next doors garden have a bit of festive cheer .

 

[johnny on the spot]

 

[Chancy Termites]

 

[NPBlue]

My husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I replied I would like a rubber plant.

Imagine my surprise when he bought me a large tyre factory in Yorkshire.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Why do science fiction films say that you will stop existing if you killed you Grandad in the past?
I killed my Grandad last year and I'm fine.

 

[BimboBob]

 

[BimboBob]

[bigimg]http://viz.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Screen-Shot-2014-11-06-at-09.39.41.png[/bigimg]

 

[BimboBob]

 

[BimboBob]