Funniest thing you have heard at a match

[jimtolmiesperm]

I remember years ago, when we were cr*p, which could have been anytime from the last twenty or so years, but in this particular case was probably about the kit symons, tony vaughan era.
We were getting beat again as usual and the two old blokes near me who were sat together as the match reached its conclusion, had had enough.
One of them started to make for the exit and said to the other one " are you stopping till the end? ", and the other bloke, a little fella with a flat cap and an ironic sense of humour, said quite matter of factly, " no Ernie, i want to stay and boo them off. ".
He didnt even smile when he said it.
Brilliant!

 

[Boots_]

I was at a non league match where there was no segregation.
Two rival fans (men in their late 40s/early 50s) started arguing about a foul on the pitch and whether the player should have been booked or not. It soon became quite heated. As it became apparent that they were never going to agree, the argument continued as follows (both blokes shouting agressively);

Fan 1 - "Well, I bet I've had sex more recently than you! When did you last have sex?"
Fan 2 - "More recently than you!"
Fan 1 - "Yeah, right. Swivel on this!" (at this point Fan 1 raises his middle finger at Fan 2).

End of argument.

 

[SWP's back]

The one that sticks out best to my mind was during our first or secong season at the COMS and I think we we were playing Birmingham and they had (I think) Taylor in net. As he was about to take a goal kick, someone shouted, and quite of the blue "Fuck off Taylor you bastard sheep shagging pedo" - Everyone pissed themselves as it was so un-expected.

 

[Bigger_Than_Jesus]

Away game at Blackburn years ago. They used to have a portacabin near the pitch towards the Darwen End..... Blackburn player comes out to warm up and leans and puts his hands on the side of the cabin..... "You'll Never Push It Over.... You'll Never Push It Over...." Awesome! Well it was at the time...

 

[kp789]

Anymore?

 

[Ja Salford Blue]

Went to Oxfords old Mannor ground, it was about 96-97 in the middle of winter, the away end was a tiny shit stand with no roof on. 3 city fans climbed up onto the roof of a house behind the stand and proberbly had a better view than us. Anyway this bloke and his missus come out of the house and start shouting at these city fans to get down, to which one of the 3 blues reply "fuck off and put the kettle on, its fuckin freezing up here"

funny as fuck at the time

 

[SouthstandCarlos]

funniest thing i have heard in ages was 2 city fans after the celtic games say adebayor is shit and we should never have bought him, they also said we should of played benjani. At the time i wanted to slap them but now i just laugh

 

[dollydimple]

ian bishop getting booked and my mate shouting "he couldn,t foul his fuckin underpants"!!

 

[Deleted member 14625]

Valencia at home in the Thomas Cook Trophy a few years ago and all their subs were warming up in unison and it looked like the Oki Coki! and loadsa fans started singing "you put yer left foot in, yer left foot out, in out in out yer shake it all about........" Then the ball went over the goal into this lot of fans who'd just been singing the Oki Coki and this steward stood up and tried to get a fan to throw the ball back and he was the spitting image of Teddy Sheringham and all these fans chanted "oh Teddy Teddy Teddy Teddy Teddy Teddy Sheringham!" at him - he wasnt happy! Then out of nowhere Ricky the Fatman Hatton turned up and sat in some seats on level 1 of the Colin Bell Stand and all the same lads chanted "you fat bastard!" loud as fuck at him! It all happened within about a minute, funny!

 

[Deleted member 14625]

West Ham at home in the FA Cup replay 2 years ago and i was in the Singing Section just near the away fans. A City lad hand-balled it and a huge cry of "amm bawww!" in a disgusting east London accent was bleated out by a few hundred Hammers! All the City fans then mimicked the "amm bawww!" in as Cockney an accent as we all could about 5 times! Then in the West Ham end a young black lad with his hood up over his head like some G' yo who had the worlds biggest put-on forwn like all 19 year olds with a bad attitude seem to have down to a tee, looked at us all and shouted "fack owff, i' was fackin amm bawww!" then about 300 blues all started singing "theres only one Dizzie Rascal, one Dizzie Rascal....." i was pissing myself at that!