Funniest thing you have heard at a match

At the recent Arsenal game, Fabregas was being a right smug bastard all game and there was one thing that tipped this lad not much older than me (about 17/18) over the edge in about the 85th minute. He stood up and screamed "WILL SOMEONE KILL HIM!" towards the pitch, it was so simple at the time but I was crying laughing for the rest of the game!
 
There was a dirty foreign looking gooner twat sat near us on second tier - kept rubbing his fingers together - money gesture - and running his finger across his throat at us. His wife/girlfriend was quite a bit older than him - she must have picked him up on holiday to Turkey where he was cleaning toilets.

As they were leaving at half time someone shouted - 'Oi - give yer mam her jumper back' He wasn't happy and turned round but copper pushed him along.

I managed to shout - ' had to go abroad for a bloke love? All the local lads had a go and fucked you off?' to which she just sneered.

I fucking hate that throat cutting thing - cowardly cnuts if they have to use knives to fight - was hoping he's trip over and launch himself over the edge onto the gooners below!
 
Gavin Peacock was once playing for Chelsea at The Valley, against Charlton, the club his father had played over 600 games for in the 60's and 70's.

When Peacock Junior sliced a horrible shot wide in the second half, someone in the crowd shouted "You're not as good as your old man". Seconds later, somebody else shoulted "He's not as good as MY old man".
 
rags game on weds night,guy in the Colin Bell 330 shouts (as evra skims a shot which Joey comfortably saves)
"i've hit my fukn wife harder than that"
to which one of our Jock City boys shouts.
"aye,and so have i"
laughter all round,thank fuk.
 
Burnage Is Blue said:
A week or so after Bryan Robson signed for united they were playing at our place. I was 10 years old. Anyway at some point in the match a City player was down injured and Robson was waiting to take a throw, it was fairly quiet and suddenly a bloke in the stand started shouting: "BRYAN...BRRRRRYYYYAAAAN" over and over. Everyone was looking at this nutter and after what seemed like ages trying to ignore him Robson turned round and looked at this fella who pulled out a piece of newspaper, unrolled a huge fresh fish and shouted: "I've got yer fish." and sat down, Robson just shook his head and turned round. It remains the funiest thing I have ever heard at a game
Click to expand...
Wt? Hahaha.
 
Nowhere near as funny as some in this thread, but today at the game, the atmosphere was getting sour and frustration levels were rising all about the area, and the bloke in front of me shouts out, after a minute or so of silence, 'Get Jo on!' and then after a few seconds of silence, people all around eagerly awaiting his final say...

'Get Jo on, he's the future!'

Had a few of us in 109 in stitches. Top class humour is that man.
 
This wasn't funny but does anyone remember the big fat bigot who always sat on his own in the North Stand in the eighties,left hand side of the goal as you sat there?

Everytime a black player was fouled or injured he would shout,

''Throw a burning tyre on him!''

He got lots of incredulous looks but no one ever threw him out.He must have been banned thankfully i think as he just seemed to disappear.

Now on a lighter note and a funny moment that involved me.

It was at Maine Road i think in the 80's sometimes,i think we were playing Swansea.It was a pig of a day,freezing cold and raining[what new!]

The game was 90 minutes of the most excrutiating football i have ever witnessed[and i have seen a few.] I think it was 0-0 and we were in injury time when City got a corner.I was sat in the North Stand and the ref looked at his watch.There was utter silence from the few brave souls still in the ground and i shouted,

''Come on ref,blow your whistle and put us out of our misery so we can all get home!''

The players and the ref looked up at me and to the crowd around me and my delight he shouted back,

''Two minutes yet!'' and laughed,as did all the crowd.

Lo and behold City being City,the corner was cleared and some Scottish striker we had on loan and was useless and played maybe six games,swung a boot at it and scored,so we won 1-0!

Happy days for the humour but garbage football and results.
 
sat in the platt lane - in 1980s pre new stand - guy turns to me and says that the player running down the wing remainds him of pongo wilson who he had seen playing at hyde road - you remember Hyde Road don't you? I was 20 at the time!
 
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