General / Mental Health Support Thread

, and the Tories deciding that I'd have to earn 37k if I ever wanted to actually live with my wife in the UK.
When my wife came with me to the UK not too long ago, I seem to remember it being 16-18000 (can't remember exactly).

I just had a look online and it seems to be going up to £29000 in April this year (from £18600), then to £34500 in late 2024, followed by yet another increase to over £38000 in early 2025. Those are crazy increases. I feel for you.

Are there no other options such as having a certain amount deposited in your account?

To bring it back onto topic, I used to suffer quite badly from anxiety and was prescribed mirtazapine which really helped with my anxiety and sleeping.
 
Last edited:
When my wife came with me to the UK not too long ago, I seem to remember it being 16-18000 (can't remember exactly).

I just had a look online and it seems to be going up to £29000 in April this year (from£18600), then to £34500 in late 2024, followed by tyet another increase to over £38000 in early 2025. Those are crazy increases. I feel for you.

Are there no other options such as having a certain amount deposited in your account?

To bring it back onto topic, I used to suffer quite badly from anxiety and was prescribed mirtazapine which really helped with my anxiety and sleeping.
Well the main option is to fuck off the Tories. Then all of that 'next year' shit disappears. 29k is no issue. 37k would be a big struggle.

My boss apparently 'knows a lawyer' who can get you in, and a former colleague has used him successfully. But I'm not sure about something like that. Don't want to end up in some dodgy situation 5 years later because we didn't do things properly.

Just out of interest, have you found yourself getting dependent at all? Classic anxiety that I used google to find out that my anti-anxiety drugs can be addictive and that made me a bit anxious about taking them.
 
Well the main option is to fuck off the Tories. Then all of that 'next year' shit disappears. 29k is no issue. 37k would be a big struggle.

My boss apparently 'knows a lawyer' who can get you in, and a former colleague has used him successfully. But I'm not sure about something like that. Don't want to end up in some dodgy situation 5 years later because we didn't do things properly.

Just out of interest, have you found yourself getting dependent at all? Classic anxiety that I used google to find out that my anti-anxiety drugs can be addictive and that made me a bit anxious about taking them.
I wish you good luck with finding a solution. We used an immigration lawyer with a good track record. It worked out well for us and my wife now has UK citizenship. I'm happy to pass on his contact details if it may be any use to you.

I was on mirtazapine for about 4 years and had absolutely no problems in stopping taking it when I felt I was over my anxiety problems.
 
I grew up in a narcissistic household and was old before my time due to spending a lot of time around death, misery and various substance addiction issues. I feel no less love for the people involved, and don't remember feeling particularly unhappy as a child, yet it explains so much about how I turned out when I got older.

My grandmother and aunt would speak German to try and avoid me listening in on them discussing alcohol and medication. I still don't know much German now but it gave me a better than average aptitude for languages, as growing up in any multilingual environment does. My narcissistic relative could also be emotionally manipulative and it took me a long time to realise this wasn't normal. I know how to use the dark arts myself, yet I never do.

One day, "I'll be dead and gone one day" as a means to get me to do things was met with "yeah, so will I, so what" from myself. Why it took me 20+ years to think of that, I will never know. But that trick was never tried on me again.

Three things helped.
Therapy, and lots of it
Acceptance. You can't change someone who doesn't really want to change.
Distance. When you live away you see things differently.

Never ever underestimate the power of the word "no".
 
I'm going out to meet some old work colleagues this evening. Some been friends with for about 15 years. I organised it and now I don't even want to go
I have been there, mate. You are excited to organise but when the day comes, although a part of you knows it will probably be fun and good to catch up, all you can think of is how exhausting it can be to socialise and all the ways you can make an ass of yourself.

I think it is helpful to be reminded that if you are experiencing that anxiety, chances are others in the group are, too, so you will be in good company. And, think back to previous occasions when you were worried and still went to a gather and everything went splendidly.

Something I have to constantly remind myself, as someone that often struggles with severe social anxiety is that no one is scrutinising you as much as you think. In fact, chances are, they are only scrutinising themselves in the same way you are.

I think one of the better strategies I have tried to overcome these difficulties when going to social events (especially ones I have organised) is to focus on how you can make others full welcomed and included. That puts you in the pseudo “host” role which I have personally found helpful in giving me a focus and objective, which in turn has the double effect of taking my mind of my own anxiety and fixations, and helps relieve them in others.

I try to repeat in my head “tonight is a ‘Yes, and…’ night” when I encourage and empower others to be themselves.

I usually end up feeling much better about myself in the process.

It can also help to think of how fortunate you are to be able to do this. It won’t always be the case, for you or your friends, as so this opportunities should be cherished.

After all, they all wanted to see you, and you them, so to hell with anxiety and self-doubt, you are going to enjoy an evening with the people you care about whilst you still can!

Hope some of this proves helpful!
 
Last edited:
As many know, I was recently diagnosed with MSA. This was a shock to me and my missus and genuinely upturned my life in nearly every way. Up until a few years ago I had been reasonably fit and active, even after several major knee injuries that put an end to my aspiring football career when I was younger. But I had started to have issues with erectile disfunction, which I had never experienced before. I also began to act out my dreams; I have always had issues sleeping (which actually might be related) but I had suddenly began having violent movements during sleep that my missus obviously took note of. Unfortunately, I generally—and stubbornly—ignored the symptoms thinking they were just due to stress and would go away on their own. This was partly due to my fear of what it could be, as several members of my family have or had Parkinson’s. It was also partly because I have always struggled with severe depression and anxiety and I knew where this type of diagnosis could take me.

This delaying tactic was, of course, a big mistake. I soon began to have issues with my balance and occasionally speaking. One day, as we were visiting close friends, I fell down their stairs. That is when my missus (and these friends) forced me to go to a specialist for assessment, after having the injury to my shoulder and back from the fall treated. After several false dawns and a truly exhausting gauntlet of tests, I was finally diagnosed, with several other specialists confirming.

I cannot understate how devestating this was. We had just decided to have our first child a few months before after thinking we would never have kids, and had other plans that were now untenable. As I said before, I have suffered severe depression and anxiety for most of my life and have been on medication and in therapy to help manage it since I was a teenager. But those few weeks and months after we were told my prognosis were the darkest I have ever experienced. Our future was literally being ripped away.

I experienced days where I literally couldn’t get out of bed—not because of the MSA or any other related illness, but because my depression was so deep I couldn’t will myself to move. I spent hours thinking about whether it would be better if I ended things now rather than allowing myself to waste away. We actually had very contentious discussions about travelling to Switzerland (where my missus is from) and arranging things with one of her cousins who is a doctor that provides assisted death services.

Eventually, I began my treatment regime and working with both a physical therapist and mental health professional. Slowly, I started to come out of the worst of it. It really was slow going but I started to see some point to continue. Specifically, we decided to have our son despite this new challenge. That provided something positive to focus on and work toward, which proved to be incredibly helpful for me.

And the community I found on here helped immensely, as well. Living away from home and most of my family and friends had become challenging and Bluemoon—especially during the pandemic and the early days of living with knowledge of my condition—became a refuge and a support. Many will be aware I went off the forum for periods, most recently with a furious bang, due to personal frustrations. They were admittedly amplified by my own mental health struggles, though, they were rooted in genuine anger and what I still consider to be reasonable grievances.

But, as I was gone these last few months, I realised that the forum was too important to me to allow those frustrations to win out. There are so many amazing blues on here, that have helped me through so much over the past few decades, that I was only hurting myself by staying off. And the news of Bill passing just crystallised that realisation. Life really is too short—for all of us—to allow our dysfunctional brains to deprive us of the support and comradery we all need to get through it.

To be clear, I still have difficult days, where things seem pretty grim and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. I sometimes think about the fact my son will likely not have a father for the vast majority of his life and whether I have been selfish in having him (that’s not helped by all of the completely unrelated issues present in the world like quickening climate change, conflicts, and economic issues).

But—with the help of my missus, my friends, many on here, medication, and my therapists—I have mostly come to terms with what has happened and what is happening, and have arrived at the conclusion that the world is a much better place with my son (and me, such as I am) in it. He really is an amazing little lad. He is thoughtful, caring, intelligent, and curious (he gets these qualities mostly from his mum). And he seems to love City! We could not have asked for a better kid and I am incredibly happy that we had him and exceedingly grateful for the joy and balance he brings to my life. With any luck he’ll only remember the strong feeling of love and adoration he has from me and not the other difficult bits.

At any rate, I share my experience as a way of saying I have dealt with mental health challenges, I am still dealing with them, and I am here to support others as they navigate their mental health challenges, if that would be helpful.

We are all in this together.
Wow mate I dont know you but that’s very brave, in fact you’re very brave. Sounds like you have a wonderful little boy, and he has a great and eloquent dad. Take care
 
Currently weaning myself off Sertraline, just feel like its stunting my brain too much. Find it hard to focus and be motivated for anything so seeing what happens without it... Ive been on it about 5 years so almost forgotten what I was like without it, so that's a bit worrying haha. Ive heard the withdrawals can be pretty shit so let work know I might need a few days off if it goes tits up

My brother was on it for donkeys years and the doc was quite careful with tapering off the dose and it seemed to work out without too much difficulty. Best of luck with the change.
 
I have been there, mate. You are excited to organise but when the day comes, although a part of you knows it will probably be fun and good to catch up, all you can think of is how exhausting it can be to socialise and all the ways you can make an ass of yourself.

I think it is helpful to be reminded that if you are experiencing that anxiety, chances are others in the group are, too, so you will be in good company. And, think back to previous occasions when you were worried and still went to a gather and everything went splendidly.

Something I have to constantly remind myself, as someone that often struggles with severe social anxiety is that no one is scrutinising you as much as you think. In fact, chances are, they are only scrutinising themselves in the same way you are.

I think one of the better strategies I have tried to overcome these difficulties when going to social events (especially ones I have organised) is to focus on how you can make others full welcomed and included. That puts you in the pseudo “host” role which I have personally found helpful in giving me a focus and objective, which in turn has the double effect of taking my mind of my own anxiety and fixations, and helps relieve them in others.

I try to repeat in my head “tonight is a ‘Yes, and…’ night” when I encourage and empower others to be themselves.

I usually end up feeling much better about myself in the process.

It can also help to think of how fortunate you are to be able to do this. It won’t always be the case, for you or your friends, as so this opportunities should be cherished.

After all, they all wanted to see you, and you them, so to hell with anxiety and self-doubt, you are going to enjoy an evening with the people you care about whilst you still can!

Hope some of this proves helpful!
Thanks mate, a great help. I went and it was ok
 

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.