Lowest day in ages. Just angry all the time. Tired of this government, tired of its lies, scared of the lockdown opening up any time soon, fearing an imminent wave of new cases and inevitable shiteness as soon as the trafford centre opens and my mum goes back to work.
Just went for a walk to try and clear my head, came home feeling like an absolute tit. Things have changed so much. Vast majority have utterly given up. Large groups of people sat together, a pub basically open ('takeaway' service with everyone hammered outside) and loads of drunk people mixing, people hugging. No one keeping their distance on paths.
I genuinely envy their lack of concern. Its demoralising. Must be peaceful living life like that, with only their own interests at heart. They're happy, relaxed and having fun, breaking all the rules while sat out in the sun acting like everything is great. Loads of us are tired of the tragic, sad mess that this has all become and missing people we love, just desperate for a hug from. Lots of us are still too scared to pass people nearby in the street. Shite innit. Feel like an utter dick.
Even if I wanted to break the rules I couldn't. Feel sick thinking I could pass something on to someone I care about. How do these people just not care? I don't get it. Annoying thing is that it's those people will end up being fine and it'll be someone else obeying the rules who won't. And the worst bit is that I just end up angry. Got home, neighbours downstairs having a party. Every day these selfish cunts do this is another day away for the rest of us from being able to hug our parents. What's the fucking point? We're taken for fools.
All I can think is 'when will I ever feel comfortable hugging my parents again?'. It's a shite, weird fear. I keep worrying that I'd end up hating myself if anything happened to them and I never just hugged them anyway. It's a really weird time and I just can't see the end currently.
