I broke my leg last week, advice on how to cope with six weeks of inactivity welcomed.

[Bigga]

Is it a competition? Six weeks? This is taking on a Python hue. “When I were a lad, I spent the first ten years of my life in a trunk, being taken out daily to be beaten senseless. And I was grateful. Once my shoulder was broken in 456 places, took five years to heal and on top of being starved and tortured hourly I had to still dig three ton of coal. Bloody luxury. I never had it so good.

As for the wanking? Coming on a treat.

They are tiny, them sweet treats, so the aim has to be perfect!

Surely has to be messy, if you're holding it, though...

 

[ballbag]

Car crash has had me out of commission for a while now. In between reading, eating and washing my hands I've been wanking (more) for the last 4 months. Had a broken neck, though. So they were really cautious wanks until I built up the confidence to wank with my normal vigour.

The consultants at the orthopaedic dept are well impressed with my progress.

 

[aguero93:20]

Car crash has had me out of commission for a while now. In between reading, eating and washing my hands I've been wanking (more) for the last 4 months. Had a broken neck, though. So they were really cautious wanks until I built up the confidence to wank with my normal vigour.

The consultants at the orthopaedic dept are well impressed with my progress.

Why were you out of commission? It was the car that was in the crash, not you, you fucking nancy.

 

[ballbag]

Why were you out of commission? It was the car that was in the crash, not you, you fucking nancy.

One of the cars bumped in to me as it took the door off.

 

[Blue Mist]

Car crash has had me out of commission for a while now. In between reading, eating and washing my hands I've been wanking (more) for the last 4 months. Had a broken neck, though. So they were really cautious wanks until I built up the confidence to wank with my normal vigour.

The consultants at the orthopaedic dept are well impressed with my progress.

Two things, did you show your consultant how your wanks were at first careful and then vigorous.
Second thing, it's nice to see someone hasn't made a song and dance out of their injuries, UNLIKE SOME.

 

[the blue panther]

Why were you out of commission? It was the car that was in the crash, not you, you fucking nancy.

As a self confessed habitual wanker, are you prepared to admit to being the first Blue Mooner to crash his car whilst wanking? Is this your hidden truth?
Interesting entry on the charge sheet:-
Court 2 - Mr Ballbag - Wanking without due care and attention.

 

[ballbag]

As a self confessed habitual wanker, are you prepared to admit to being the first Blue Mooner to crash his car whilst wanking? Is this your hidden truth?
Interesting entry on the charge sheet:-
Court 2 - Mr Ballbag - Wanking without due care and attention.

I was merely a passenger in the vehicle at the time and hadn't had a chance to indulge prior to the incident, your honour.

 

[aguero93:20]

I was merely a passenger in the vehicle at the time and hadn't had a chance to indulge prior to the incident, your honour.

Ah so you were 'distracting' the driver?

 

[blueish swede]

I was out for a walk up Carlton hill, ok I was cruising, let it go. It had been pissing down, no change there. As I got to the circular path at the top, excellent vistas, I highly recommend it. I began my meander, I came up to a huge puddle covering the whole path, so decided to walk around it, up a small incline and down the other side. As I did, I swear on my hamsters eyesight, I thought, what would happen if you had a heart attack, how would the ambulance get you? Right then, and I mean as that thought ended, the ground, sodden with the rain, gave way and I went into a series of unnatural and obviously hilarious contortions on the way to the ground.

I heard cracking, twisting and crunching. I swung myself around, as my foot was caught and if I didn’t, my ankle would have snapped like a twig.

I got up eventually and my leg could take the weight, just, but it was excruciating. I hobbled a bit and as it was pissing down I had no one to help, or laugh at me. I did consider, for a second, phoning an ambulance, but then thought, fuck, what if someone really needs one and they come for me and that person croaks? So, phone back in pocket and I try to walk down the very steep hill to the street.

I will admit, it was not the best experience, but I finally made it down and phoned my lovely who came for me and took me to hospital. It was a break, my ankle was not broken but fucked as was my Achilles.

It has been a week and I have been told no back to work for another five weeks.

Has anybody any advice on how to fill the time? Tips for getting around? There’s a prize for the best suggestion. Although it will be shit, it’s still something.

Also, if you want to explain how you broke a limb, feel free. We could set up a support group. Or you could, I hate that sort of shit.

Whatever you do, don't think about it itching inside your cast.

 

[the blue panther]

I was merely a passenger in the vehicle at the time and hadn't had a chance to indulge prior to the incident, your honour.

That's all very well Mr Ballbag, but, kindly desist from wanking in the witness box.