Joke thread

mrcunny said:
I surprized my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box.Don't know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact i knew where she lived.
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How can anyone not find this funny?!
Good effort!

A farmer counted his cows and had 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

A magician was walking down the street and he turned into a grocery store.
 
corky1970 said:
Three_Hat-tricks said:
I had a one night stand with a girl who works as a cashier in Tesco. We met in a bar, enjoyed a few drinks and she asked me round to her place. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. I reached underneath the sheets to touch her leg and shouted "What the bloody hell is that?!" I took a look and realised I was holding a sixteen-inch long rubber dildo. She blushed and said "Oops, it's an unexpected item in the shagging area."
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i laughed lol

-- 26 Nov 2013, 13:47 --

mrcunny said:
I surprized my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box.Don't know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact i knew where she lived.
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i didnt laugh

2eghfmo.jpg
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How dare you,you miserable puss dribbling odd legged son of a cu**...no offence meant...:-)
 
I thought I'd surprise the post lady this morning so I went to the door naked and put my cock through the letterbox.

I don't know what surprised her more, my cock through the letterbox or the fact I knew where she lives..!!
 
robinhood CITY said:
I thought I'd surprise the post lady this morning so I went to the door naked and put my cock through the letterbox.

I don't know what surprised her more, my cock through the letterbox or the fact I knew where she lives..!!
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One page back is lost to you isn't it?
 
robinhood CITY said:
I thought I'd surprise the post lady this morning so I went to the door naked and put my cock through the letterbox.

I don't know what surprised her more, my cock through the letterbox or the fact I knew where she lives..!!
Click to expand...

One page back is lost on you isn't it?
 
robinhood CITY said:
I thought I'd surprise the post lady this morning so I went to the door naked and put my cock through the letterbox.

I don't know what surprised her more, my cock through the letterbox or the fact I knew where she lives..!!
Click to expand...
ve-day.jpg
 
mammutly said:
robinhood CITY said:
I thought I'd surprise the post lady this morning so I went to the door naked and put my cock through the letterbox.

I don't know what surprised her more, my cock through the letterbox or the fact I knew where she lives..!!
Click to expand...

One page back is lost on you isn't it?
Click to expand...


Its not even one page....haha I cant say its a good joke but hey all to their own....lol
 
jimharri said:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbour’s daughter"

Father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.
I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.
Sandra is actually your sister.
"The boy is naturally distraught, but a couple of months later ...

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even prettier than Sandra!"

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbour’s daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,
he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him.. He isn't your father."
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This comes from an old calypso song from 1943 Shame and Scandel. I remember it from my childhood in the 60s when we lived in the Caribbean. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Shame_and_Scandal.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song- ... candal.htm</a>
 
This comes from an old calypso song from 1943 Shame and Scandel. I remember it from my childhood in the 60s when we lived in the Caribbean. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Shame_and_Scandal.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song- ... candal.htm</a>[/quote]

I have the Lance Percival version on my phone, would you believe.


Before I had my orthopedic shoe fitted I said that I was sure that it wouldn't make any difference.
I stand corrected.
 
Cheese Butty said:
This comes from an old calypso song from 1943 Shame and Scandel. I remember it from my childhood in the 60s when we lived in the Caribbean. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Shame_and_Scandal.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song- ... candal.htm</a>

I have the Lance Percival version on my phone, would you believe.


Before I had my orthopedic shoe fitted I said that I was sure that it wouldn't make any difference.
I stand corrected.
Click to expand...


Biggus dickus?
 
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to piss, and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't shit any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble pissing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I piss every morning at 6:00. I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock -- no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem taking a shit?"

"No, I shit every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You piss every morning at 6:00 and shit every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."
 
foetus said:
I surprised my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box.Don't know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact I knew where she lived!
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really!!!? 3rd time in three pages. after all that happened to the original double poster!!
 
The president of the Philippines has sent a personal message to David Cameron thanking him for the search and rescue dogs the UK sent over. The messages stated that they were delicious.
 
If posters can't be arsed checking the three previous posts to see if the so called joke currently doing the rounds of facebook/twitter has already ben posted I fear for this thread.


Just sayin'
 
did you hear about the blind prostitute? you really have to hand it to her.

what did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip.

what did the agnostic, dyslectic, insomniac do?
stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

told this in another thread but will add it to here
why did the sperm cross the road?
I wore the wrong sock.

Tea. Its for mugs.

Whiteboards. They're remarkable.
 
I saw her on the other side of the harbour, she gave me a wave.....I've still got it at home in a bucket.
Tommy Cooper<br /><br />-- Thu Nov 28, 2013 2:56 pm --<br /><br />She had her hair in a bun...and her nose in a cheese sandwich.
Ronnie Corbett
 
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