Joke thread

mrcunny said:
"Sky Breaking news"An Irish man who took Ryanair to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case
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Ordinarily, I wouldn't have found this funny but then I read it again and realised the man was Irish. Now, it's hilarious.
 
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, "I'm not."
 
I was having sex with my wife last night when she suddenly yelled, "Dave! Get your cock out of my arse!"

"Just relax." I said, "You might like it."

"Relax?" she screamed, "What the fuck is Dave doing here?"
 
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"

"No dad."

"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?

"No dad, not at all."

"Are you gay?

"No dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
 
ban-mcfc said:
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, "I'm not."
Click to expand...

Where's the letter box?
 
An american tourist asks an irishman:"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the irishman replies:"They have to go in backwards,if they fell forwards,they would still be in the fucking boat!"
 
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a letterbox. The new post woman said "is this a joke?"
 
The Boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people,
Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super
workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all
night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and
said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'

'Could you jack off ?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'
 
nw42 said:
The Boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people,
Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super
workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all
night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and
said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'

'Could you jack off ?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'
Click to expand...

What's this got to do with the postman? Is Jack looking through the letterbox?
 
mrcunny said:
An american tourist asks an irishman:"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the irishman replies:"They have to go in backwards,if they fell forwards,they would still be in the fucking boat!"
Click to expand...

Best joke ive read on here that>> quality..
 
samharris said:
mrcunny said:
An american tourist asks an irishman:"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the irishman replies:"They have to go in backwards,if they fell forwards,they would still be in the fucking boat!"
Click to expand...

Best joke ive read on here that>> quality..
Click to expand...


You obviously haven't read the one about the postie and the letterbox yet.

Get ready to split your sides.
 
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