Joke thread

[paphos-mcfc]

Man goes in the travel agents he asks.Where's the best place to go on holiday.The agent asks"Who do you support"
"United" he replies
Agent"You can't beat the Canaries this time of year"

 

[Churchill123]

Man goes in the travel agents he asks.Where's the best place to go on holiday.The agent asks"Who do you support"
"United" he replies
Agent"You can't beat the Canaries this time of year"

Fucking love that one!

 

[spam1967]

pal of mine had a dispute with employers about being caught with his hand in the till on camera.

"if you rewind the tape you'lle see me putting it back"!!!!!

 

[TGR]

It has been proven statistically that 6 out 7 dwarfs are not Happy...

 

[sergiokun]

Man goes in the travel agents he asks.Where's the best place to go on holiday.The agent asks"Who do you support"
"United" he replies
Agent"You can't beat the Canaries this time of year"

Fucking love that one!

Pmsl.. class

 

[BackofJeanette]

I call my testicles 'USB drives'.

That's because the contents of them end up on my laptop.<br /><br />-- Tue Nov 20, 2012 1:49 pm --<br /><br />My six-year-old son caught our priest masturbating this morning.

He said, "What are you doing Father?"

"It's called wanking," the Father replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why, Father?" he asked.

"Because my arm is fucking killing me." said the priest

 

[law74]

SIX FEET OF SEPARATION: Scientists have predicted that by 2035 you'll never be more than Six Feet away from an ex-Chelsea manager.

 

[law74]

SIX FEET OF SEPARATION: Scientists have predicted that by 2035 you'll never be more than Six Feet away from an ex-Chelsea manager.

 

[Cellarite]

Breaking News : Chelsea Football Club have announced the sacking of Manager Rafa Benitez. The Spaniard was obviously disappointed but is happy to leave with an unbeaten record.

Hold the Back Page : Chelsea Chairman Bruce Buck says the club are looking for a Manager to replace Benitez who has "the core beliefs and morals of the club at heart". The bookies have made Ron Atkinson the odds on favourite.

 

[BackofJeanette]

Paddy phones up ad mag and asks "how much is it to advertise"? The lady says"50p an inch" paddy says oh fuck that i cant afford it, the lady says"why what you selling" paddy says "a 30 foot ladder"


...............
I was at a fancy dress party the other night when a big fat girl came over to me. She blushed and said, "I really fancy you." "Calm down" I replied, "it's just a costume, I'm not a real fuckin doughnut!"


.............

I've finally found something the Wife's arse does not look big in...........


The fucking distance