Joke thread

Its not a laughing matter for some...

A FLASHER who stuck his manhood through the letterbox as a woman tried to deliver a letter to his flat was yesterday ordered to attend a sex offenders’ course.

Mold Crown Court heard how the woman struggled to post the letter – because Darren Wilcock’s private parts were in the way.

The woman looked down and saw a penis sticking through, the court was told.

Darren Wilcock later claimed it was a prank directed at a friend but the court heard Wilcock had a previous conviction for flashing, and after being charged and bailed for the letterbox incident, exposed himself to two women in a car.


<a class="postlink" href="http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/letterbox-flasher-ordered-onto-sex-2857029" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w ... ex-2857029</a>
 
Lavinda Past said:
samharris said:
mrcunny said:
An american tourist asks an irishman:"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the irishman replies:"They have to go in backwards,if they fell forwards,they would still be in the fucking boat!"
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Best joke ive read on here that>> quality..
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You obviously haven't read the one about the postie and the letterbox yet.

Get ready to split your sides.
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It takes a certain sort of humour for me.. horses for courses n all that..
 
Oohvonkyvonky said:
Its not a laughing matter for some...

A FLASHER who stuck his manhood through the letterbox as a woman tried to deliver a letter to his flat was yesterday ordered to attend a sex offenders’ course.

Mold Crown Court heard how the woman struggled to post the letter – because Darren Wilcock’s private parts were in the way.

The woman looked down and saw a penis sticking through, the court was told.

Darren Wilcock later claimed it was a prank directed at a friend but the court heard Wilcock had a previous conviction for flashing, and after being charged and bailed for the letterbox incident, exposed himself to two women in a car.


<a class="postlink" href="http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/letterbox-flasher-ordered-onto-sex-2857029" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w ... ex-2857029</a>
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May I be the first to say


F*ckin LOL!!
<br /><br />-- Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:43 pm --<br /><br />
samharris said:
Lavinda Past said:
samharris said:
Best joke ive read on here that>> quality..
Click to expand...


You obviously haven't read the one about the postie and the letterbox yet.

Get ready to split your sides.
Click to expand...

It takes a certain sort of humour for me.. horses for courses n all that..
Click to expand...


I'm not quite sure which of us is being the most sarcastic here Sam....
 
A rich American is driving down the interstate in his Merc when he sees a sign on the roadside that reads "Talking Dog for sale - only $10". The man thinks to himself, "I've got pretty much everything I want in life, but I don't have one of those", and so he pulls into the driveway and says to the owner "Is it true that you've got a dog that talks?" "I sure have" replies the owner, "Why don't you go out the back and see for yourself?".

So the rich man disappears out the back and strikes up a conversation with the dog. The dog tells him about his career, how he worked for the US police force, and how he was so successful in solving crime that he was later recruited by the FBI to work on a number of high profile drugs cases.

After listening to the dog for 30 minutes or so the rich man came into the front room to see the owner and says "I can't believe it, your dog actually talks!. Are you serious about wanting only $10 for him?" "I sure am" replies the owner, "To tell you the truth, I am sick of that dog and his stories, I don't believe he's done half the things he says he has!"
 
Three men are shipwrecked on a deserted island. or so they think its not really deserted, they met a troop of cannibals. The cannibals surrounded them and said, "Go get 10 of any kind of fruit or we'll tear you to pieces and if you don't we'll tear you to shreds." So the 1st man comes back with 10 apples and the tribes says, "Stuff them up your butt. If you make one noise we'll put you in the eating cage." So the man gets 2 up his butt then whimpers and gets thrown in the cage. The 2nd man come with 10 cherry's and the tribe tells him the same thing. He manages to get 8 up his butt and then bursts out laughing. The first man asks the second and why are you laughing and the second man says, "I saw the 3rd man stick his cock through the postie's letterbox."
 
Q. How many post women does it take to change a letter box?

A. Cock.
 
ban-mcfc said:
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"

"No dad."

"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?

"No dad, not at all."

"Are you gay?

"No dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
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That's three in a row straight off Sikipedia this morning. Or did you post them there as well?
 
Diner: "Waiter, waiter there's a cock in my soup."
Waiter: "Keep it quiet sir or the post woman will want one too"
 
I've learnt a valuable lesson from the recent Glasgow helicopter crash... Pigs can't fly!
 
mrcunny said:
I've learnt a valuable lesson from the recent Glasgow helicopter crash... Pigs can't fly!
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Well since you mention it,

Police in Glasgow have arrested a drunken man who climbed onto a pub roof to write the words "Happy St. Andrews Day" in white paint.



Luckily they were able to stop him before he'd got any further than the "H"
 
nw42 said:
mrcunny said:
I've learnt a valuable lesson from the recent Glasgow helicopter crash... Pigs can't fly!
Click to expand...

Well since you mention it,

Police in Glasgow have arrested a drunken man who climbed onto a pub roof to write the words "Happy St. Andrews Day" in white paint.



Luckily they were able to stop him before he'd got any further than the "H"
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You sick bastard..:-)
 
While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs., and you play the fiddle." She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle, but it did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle. He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing the fiddle with great natural skill.

She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis." She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she farts.

She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know. She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex." She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus,when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw like two teenagers.

The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."
 
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