Joke thread

[Cellarite]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The farmer accidentally left the gate open, so it wandered around and happened to cross a road.

Bloke goes into a chippy and orders meat pie, chips peas and gravy. The chip shop lady says "Sorry love, we've only got steak and kidney left."

"It's alright," says the bloke "I've got my bike outside."

 

[jimharri]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The farmer accidentally left the gate open, so it wandered around and happened to cross a road.

Bloke goes into a chippy and orders meat pie, chips peas and gravy. The chip shop lady says "Sorry love, we've only got steak and kidney left."

"It's alright," says the bloke "I've got my bike outside."

 

[Blue Mist]

County council pot hole repair

That is disgraceful, that is not a joke.........not one person has a yellow Hi Vis vest on.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Man was driving down a motorway feeling groggy from a heavey night when his wife rang him on the hands free, "hello luv,It just said on the radio that theres one stupid coont driving the wrong way down your motorway !!! so best be careful"
The man quickly replied " one !!! theres fucking hundreds of em".

-- Sat Feb 09, 2013 12:31 pm --

A blind man and his guide dog went into a department store to do some shopping. all of a sudden, the man picked his dog up by the tail and started swinging him around in circles. A sales clerk who noticed this, rushed up to the man and said, "Sir! Is there anything I can help you with?!" to which the blind man replied, "No thanks, just looking around."

very good

Why dont blind people skydive.. cos it frightens their dogs.

Or....when does a blind skydiver know when to open his parachute











Wait for it.....















The lead goes slack

 

[Cellarite]

County council pot hole repair

That is disgraceful, that is not a joke.........not one person has a yellow Hi Vis vest on.

Not to mention the worrying lack of safety goggles.

 

[samharris]

County council pot hole repair

That is disgraceful, that is not a joke.........not one person has a yellow Hi Vis vest on.

Not to mention the worrying lack of safety goggles.

That electrical equipment doesnt look like 110 volts either.

 

[BackofJeanette]

Get in first, before your fucking mates do!

Apparently Joe Hart takes two bottles of Head and Shoulders in the shower,

...... in case he drops one...

 

[Richie]

That is disgraceful, that is not a joke.........not one person has a yellow Hi Vis vest on.

Not to mention the worrying lack of safety goggles.

That electrical equipment doesnt look like 110 volts either.

Bit of a strange one. The heavy duty breaker is one of the Bosch 11304 family (probably a USH27) which normally come in 110v only, yet the extension lead isn't the usual yellow (British Standard BS60309).

I suggest that this, together with the lack of high-viz as mentioned by a previous poster, would suggest that this picture was not taken in the UK and so the picture can not be an accurate reflection of the supposed bureaucracy within the UK's local council civil engineering departments.

 

[jimharri]

Bit of a strange one. The heavy duty breaker is one of the Bosch 11304 family (probably a USH27) which normally come in 110v only, yet the extension lead isn't the usual yellow (British Standard BS60309).

I suggest that this, together with the lack of high-viz as mentioned by a previous poster, would suggest that this picture was not taken in the UK and so the picture can not be an accurate reflection of the supposed bureaucracy within the UK's local council civil engineering departments.

Never mind all that nonsense; where's the bloody kettle and the packet of biccies?

 

[bennyblue]

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. I thought that's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier
I think.


A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part
in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking
part."


After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.

A coach load of paddys on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going..... The driver won £52!