Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Bigg Bigg Blue
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Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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bluethrunthru
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bluethrunthru
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Vienna_70
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- Treble Winners 2022/23.
Is Stuart Pearce the manager?
Vienna_70
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A pasty is like sex.
Once you’ve had it, you don’t want it.
Once you’ve had it, you don’t want it.
Bigg Bigg Blue
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kippaxneil
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Local News: After a recent visit to a cheese factory, a photographer has died after a huge lump of cheddar fell on him. To be fair the group of people having their photo taken did try to warn him.
lefty goldblatt
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It raised a truckle
dickie davies
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Does this mean the Milky Bar joke will be resurrected again!
Or do we have to wait until Easter?
bladdered
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kippaxneil
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Don't see why not...after all, Easter is a time for resurrection.
Grassland Blue
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A comedian with a reputation for drinking is performing at a small function in a local church hall.
His driver is waiting outside for him.
The comedian asks the audience, What's oval, moist and surrounded by little hairsh?"
The audience is silent.
Thw comedian says," Well, if you don't know, ish a womansh fanny".
He ia promptly shown rhe door.
Getting into the car after being in fhe hall for only a few minutes, his driver says, "Well, it looks like you've buggered up the eyeball joke again.......)!
His driver is waiting outside for him.
The comedian asks the audience, What's oval, moist and surrounded by little hairsh?"
The audience is silent.
Thw comedian says," Well, if you don't know, ish a womansh fanny".
He ia promptly shown rhe door.
Getting into the car after being in fhe hall for only a few minutes, his driver says, "Well, it looks like you've buggered up the eyeball joke again.......)!
East Level 2
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That will make some people cross.
Sam Armstrong
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Little Old Lady in court......
Defence Barrister: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defence Barrister: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on
the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Barrister: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he was very friendly.
Defence Barrister: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Barrister: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Barrister: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defence Barrister: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defence Barrister: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defence Barrister: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Barrister: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just lay down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defence Barrister: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!!!
Defence Barrister: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defence Barrister: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on
the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Barrister: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he was very friendly.
Defence Barrister: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Barrister: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Barrister: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defence Barrister: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defence Barrister: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defence Barrister: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Barrister: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just lay down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defence Barrister: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!!!