Joke thread

[mrcunny]

what is black with a great set of tits?

Angelina Jolie's bin bag<br /><br />-- Wed May 22, 2013 11:56 am --<br /><br />A man and wife are in the maternity ward after giving birth and the doctor comes in and says he has good news and bad news

The bloke goes “blimey - what’s the bad news?
The doctor says “your wife has given birth to a ginger son”

The bloke goes “blimey - what’s the good news?”



The doctor says “it’s dead

 

[Pride_In_Battle]

what is black with a great set of tits?

Angelina Jolie's bin bag

-- Wed May 22, 2013 11:56 am --

A man and wife are in the maternity ward after giving birth and the doctor comes in and says he has good news and bad news

The bloke goes “blimey - what’s the bad news?
The doctor says “your wife has given birth to a ginger son”

The bloke goes “blimey - what’s the good news?”



The doctor says “it’s dead

Laughed at both. There's now a place in hell reserved for me.

 

[mrcunny]

David Cameron has called a Cobra meeting after the Woolwich attack.

Is this really the time to be sat around drinking Indian beer?

 

[CTID1988]

David Cameron has called a Cobra meeting after the Woolwich attack.

Is this really the time to be sat around drinking Indian beer?

Come on you can do better than that! 2/10

 

[mrcunny]

David Cameron has called a Cobra meeting after the Woolwich attack.

Is this really the time to be sat around drinking Indian beer?

Come on you can do better than that! 2/10

I can mate..but it was one of those i cant be arsed..

 

[tommyhair]

David Cameron has called a Cobra meeting after the Woolwich attack.

Is this really the time to be sat around drinking Indian beer?

Come on you can do better than that! 2/10

Haha

 

[bennyblue]

Two camouflage shirts for sale £5 each ono, have a great bank holiday folks

 

[jimharri]

Two camouflage shirts for sale £5 each ono, have a great bank holiday folks

I really expect better from myself, but I genuinely found that funny!

 

[Danjo]

I pulled a heavy duty munter down the boozer last night.

Fuck me, she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan, had more hands up her than sooty...been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe, a face that would make an onion cry, so big I could ride her into battle. Seen more japs eyes than an oriental optician, a face like a stuntmans knee, a fanny like a yawning donkey, so ugly even a sniper wouldn't take her out, a pair of flaps like a gutted trout and been cocked more times than elmer fudds shotgun.

Still, at the end of the day a shags a shag.

 

[jimharri]

A bloke bought a new Mercedes and was out on the motorway for an evening spin. It was a gloriously hot sunny evening, the top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. ''They'll never catch me,'' he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. ''What in hell am I doing?'' he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car. ''I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!'' he said.
''Last week my wife ran off with a cop,'' the man said, ''and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!''

''Have a nice night,'' said the officer.