Joke thread

[MCFCTrick]

The Greek authorities have announced that the search for Michael Mosley will continue for five days followed by two days off.

It's what he would have wanted ...

 

[WickyWain]

Sad news at the Nestle factory today...

 

[hammocity]

Sad news at the Nestle factory today...

Give me a break

An old Trucker picked up a young attractive female hitch hiker, during the journey the girl was flirting with the old Trucker, as they approached their destination the girl said:

" I really appreciate the lift, it's really helped me out, I'm sat on something that you might be interested in as a reward"

Trucker:

"For fucks sake you've probably melted my Yorkie bar".

 

[Lavinda Past]

@dickie davies ....

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention, but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.



;-)

 

[Lavinda Past]

Sad news at the Nestle factory today...

 

[chris85mcfc]

I went out for something to eat with my mate last night, he's an electrician

We sat down and started looking at the menu

I was starving, so I ordered a starter; but he just went straight to the mains

 

[hammocity]

I'm an Auto Electrician, I went out for something to eat with my mate last night, he's a domestic electrician

We sat down and started looking at the menu

I was starving, so I ordered a starter; but he just went straight to the mains

Slight amendment to your first paragraph.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Two private detectives were doing some research on a scandalous divorce case.

At the husband's request they staked out the wife's bedroom, and sure enough, she had another man inside.

The detectives remarked to one another that the wiffe and her lover were going at it as if sex was going out of style.

After watching furtively for quite a few minutes, one detective finally said, "As long as we’re here on the case, do you think we should go in after him?"

To this the other replied, "Great idea... Shall we toss a coin to decide which of us is going in first?"

 

[hammocity]

@dickie davies ....

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention, but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.

View attachment 121574

;-)

After they cheered everyone left the factory on their bike's which were obviously outside.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A pack of Hell's Angels are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

The big burly leader, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had... You're so beautiful, you could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"Because my parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"