Joke thread

The church needed a new coat of paint. The Stewardship Committee asked for bids. Jerry was a painter and really needed some work. He quickly put in a low bid to make sure he got the job. Sure enough, his low bid was chosen.

Jerry went to buy the paint and realized his bid was far too low. The paint was going to cost more than his bid. Being an enterprising man, Jerry decided he would just get half as much paint as he needed and add water to it.

He got to work and started painting. It was a big job, and the Committee was impressed by his hard work. When he was nearly finished, the weather report predicted a big storm was coming in. Jerry hurried and finished the job before the storm hit.

As he listened to the rain coming down the night of the storm, he hoped his watered-down paint job would be okay. He rushed over to the church first thing in the morning. When he arrived, the sun was peeking through the clouds and shining on the church. All of the watery paint had been washed off!

Jerry was mortified! His plan had failed. What would he do now? He walked around the building, wringing his hands. His shoddy work was apparent for all to see. His reputation as a painter would be ruined and God’s House looked terrible. The money the Committee had spent on the new paint job was for nothing. Jerry’s heart was broken.

He knelt down and lifted his heart to God. “God, I am sorry! I cheated the church and I am ruined! What can I do?” Sobbing, he looked up in amazement as he heard God’s voice in answer to his prayer.

“Repaint, and thin no more!”
 
After completing his physical on a patient, the doctor asked if there was anything that was bothering him. Joe replied, "Yeah, my hearing."
The doctor examined Joe's ear and removed some ear wax. He then asked Joe if his hearing was better.
Joe said, "I don't know, the hearing isn't till next Tuesday."
 
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"I didn't feel a thing!"
 

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