Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Most businesses employ a Gender Equality Officer nowadays.
Ever noticed that the majority of GEO jobs are held by females...?
It's probably because they get paid less than men.
Ever noticed that the majority of GEO jobs are held by females...?
It's probably because they get paid less than men.
It strikes me that the PL should be in charge of equality. They could tie the top people’s salary to the lowest paid woman/black person/ disabled person in the company. Achievement would count for nothing.
kippaxneil
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 May 2007
- Messages
- 261
My mate has just been sacked from his job as a bingo caller at the local care home for the elderly .
Apparently, a meal for two with a hairy view is not an appropriate way to call 69.
Apparently, a meal for two with a hairy view is not an appropriate way to call 69.
Enoch Powell joke from the 60's, work it out.
lefty goldblatt
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 1 Jul 2012
- Messages
- 5,962
Muthafucker
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifle. The man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.
"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting with my brother in law." To which the man responded "No way! Did you get anything?"
"I sure did, we were in the African jungle when we suddenly stumbled upon a monstrous crocodile. He was a mean one too. With scars all over his face this was surely one bad croc.
My brother in law said he wanted to wrestle it and take a picture afterward. So he crept right up to it, until they were face to face, nose to nose, eye to eye, tooth to tooth. The giant croc stretched its massive jaws preparing to take a bite out of my brother in law.
Naturally I couldn't let that happen so I raised my rifle and shot him, shot him right between the eyes."
"I had this fancy belt made after I got back to our camp."
"Oh wow! So the belt is genuine crocodile skin? Asked the man...
"No... genuine brother in law"
"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting with my brother in law." To which the man responded "No way! Did you get anything?"
"I sure did, we were in the African jungle when we suddenly stumbled upon a monstrous crocodile. He was a mean one too. With scars all over his face this was surely one bad croc.
My brother in law said he wanted to wrestle it and take a picture afterward. So he crept right up to it, until they were face to face, nose to nose, eye to eye, tooth to tooth. The giant croc stretched its massive jaws preparing to take a bite out of my brother in law.
Naturally I couldn't let that happen so I raised my rifle and shot him, shot him right between the eyes."
"I had this fancy belt made after I got back to our camp."
"Oh wow! So the belt is genuine crocodile skin? Asked the man...
"No... genuine brother in law"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation.
They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is).
As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down.
When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out.
The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is).
As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down.
When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out.
The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A pirate goes to the skin doctor and says “I have these moles on me back.”
The doctor takes a look and says “It’s okay, they’re benign.”
The pirate says “Count again, I think there be ten.”
The doctor takes a look and says “It’s okay, they’re benign.”
The pirate says “Count again, I think there be ten.”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Two retirees, George and Sam, have been playing golf every Saturday for decades. Always the same time, same course. They leave their houses at 10 AM, get home at 3 PM.
One Saturday, Sam isn't home at 3 ... nor 4 ... 4:30. Finally at around five he staggers in, looking haggard and disheveled.
"Sam you look awful!" said his wife. "I was so worried about you! What happened?"
"It was terrible!" Sam replied. "Worst day of my life. George and I were halfway down the first fairway when he clutched his chest and fell over, stone dead. His heart must have given out!"
"Oh dear," says the wife. "He was your best friend in the whole world! What did you do?"
"What could I do?" says Sam. "For the rest of the round, it was hit the ball, drag George; hit the ball, drag George."
One Saturday, Sam isn't home at 3 ... nor 4 ... 4:30. Finally at around five he staggers in, looking haggard and disheveled.
"Sam you look awful!" said his wife. "I was so worried about you! What happened?"
"It was terrible!" Sam replied. "Worst day of my life. George and I were halfway down the first fairway when he clutched his chest and fell over, stone dead. His heart must have given out!"
"Oh dear," says the wife. "He was your best friend in the whole world! What did you do?"
"What could I do?" says Sam. "For the rest of the round, it was hit the ball, drag George; hit the ball, drag George."