Joke thread

[JASR]

What's the first sign of madness? Suggs meandering up your driveway.

First heard at the Brixton Alhambra, circa 1985. But it bears repeating.

The computer ursines eat beans ?!?

 

[jimharri]

Police have confirmed this evening that the man who fell to his death from a nightclub roof last night was not a bouncer.

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[JASR]

View attachment 127406

And this my friends is why I’m against men being allowed in sports

 

[Lavinda Past]

An 85 year old man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The barman asks:"hey, where did you get him?"

The parrot answers:"at the nursing home, they're all over the place there!"

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went to my doctor and he said "don’t eat anything fatty".

I said "like burgers and fries?"

He said "no Fatty, don’t eat anything"

 

[Lavinda Past]

The chief engineer on a stream train got a new apprentice.

"What's your name, son?" the older man barked.

"It's Charles, sir," the apprentice replied.

"Listen to me, boy!" the engineer shouted angrily. "I have never called an apprentice by his first name! What's your last name, son?"

"It's Darling, sir."

"All right then, Charlie. Let's start shovelling some coal..."

 

[Lavinda Past]

The inventor of the Hokey Cokey died recently. Everything was fine until they tried placing the body in the casket. It all started when they put his left foot in.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

⁹

The inventor of the Hokey Cokey died recently. Everything was fine until they tried placing the body in the casket. It all started when they put his left foot in.

Ooooh the old ones are the best.