Joke thread

A girl goes to the cinema with her dog.

The film didn’t have a happy ending and many people were crying at the end, and her dog was crying as well.

A lady sitting next to her saw the dog crying and said “That’s absolutely amazing. I can’t believe your dog is crying”

She responded: “I can’t believe it either …. he really didn’t like the book”
 
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her all about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said:

'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the fucking bricks on time.'

A man is sat in an airport bar, having a drink, waiting for his flight to be called...

As he is sitting there a stunning woman walks into the bar and sits on the bar-stool next to him. She's wearing a very smart uniform and the guy thinks "She must work for one of the top airlines".

He decides to find out which one by running some of their advertising slogans past her.

Thinking it might be British Airways he says, questioningly "The world's favourite airline?"

The woman looks at him quizically, but says nothing and goes back to her drink.

Thinking it might be Singapore Airlines, he says "A better way to fly?"

Again she looks at him, but says nothing, and goes back to her drink.

So he thinks "Maybe it's Thai Airlines. Their tagline is "As smooth as silk"

So he says to her "As smooth as silk?"

The woman turns to him, and says very aggressively "What the F**k do you want?"

To which he says "Ahhhhh....RyanAir!".
I take it you're now re-reading this thread and re-posting jokes from the early days!
 
A group of friends, an Israeli, an Iraqi, a Turkmenistani, a Pakistani, an Omani, and a Yemeni tried to enter a nightclub. The doorman refused them entry saying "Sorry guys you can't come in without a Thai."
 
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