horlock_was_super
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Jul 2009
- Messages
- 3,642
- Location
- In complete despair at 93:19
- Team supported
- Manchester City F.C.
As does Imre’s brother Ollie too
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
After shagging Kylie Minogue yesterday, I think there are 3 things you should know ? First off her fanny is tight as , a real struggle to get in to, secondly she takes up the backbox without any complaint & thirdly the staff at Madame Tussauds are miserable fuckers with no sense of humour
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
I might go to the constipation club tonight…I haven't been for ages!
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
For any Welsh FOCs out there...
A Welshman is stranded on a desert island, and after a while realised he's going to be there a while so gets to work building things that will remind him of home.
After 20 years he is rescued, and before he leaves he shows the captain of the ship the results of all his hard work.
He shows him the little terraced house he built, just like the one he grew up in.
He shows him the working men's club he built to remind him of all the nights he spent with his friends.
And shows the captain the chapel he built, just like one he went to every Sunday with his family back home in the valleys.
Just as they're leaving the captain notices another chapel just as carefully built and decorated as the other that the Welshman hasn't shown them, so naturally he asks about it
Oh says the Welshman, I wanted to feel like I was back home and that's why I built the house and the club and the chapel.
Yes but what about the other chapel?
Oh that's the one I don't go to.
A Welshman is stranded on a desert island, and after a while realised he's going to be there a while so gets to work building things that will remind him of home.
After 20 years he is rescued, and before he leaves he shows the captain of the ship the results of all his hard work.
He shows him the little terraced house he built, just like the one he grew up in.
He shows him the working men's club he built to remind him of all the nights he spent with his friends.
And shows the captain the chapel he built, just like one he went to every Sunday with his family back home in the valleys.
Just as they're leaving the captain notices another chapel just as carefully built and decorated as the other that the Welshman hasn't shown them, so naturally he asks about it
Oh says the Welshman, I wanted to feel like I was back home and that's why I built the house and the club and the chapel.
Yes but what about the other chapel?
Oh that's the one I don't go to.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding the trail one day, and heard the ominous sound of Indian wardrums coming from the next hill.
“I don’t like the sound of those drums, Tonto,” he said.
Next moment a red Indian brave stepped out from behind a tree and said “Yeah, it’s not very good is it... our regular drummer is off sick today.”
“I don’t like the sound of those drums, Tonto,” he said.
Next moment a red Indian brave stepped out from behind a tree and said “Yeah, it’s not very good is it... our regular drummer is off sick today.”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A big English teaching Hospital invited over a group of students from Africa to study there for a year.
One day a gynaecological consultant was walking past a couple of the exchange students who were having an argument.
“I tell you it is wahoom! W A H O O M!”
“No it is not! It is woomba! WOOMBA!”
Unable to resist, the consultant strolled over to them and said “Actually the word you are looking for is womb! W O M B.” and strolled on his way.
The first African turned to the second and said “What is he talking about, I bet he has never even seen a hippopotamus nevermind heard one fart underwater!”
One day a gynaecological consultant was walking past a couple of the exchange students who were having an argument.
“I tell you it is wahoom! W A H O O M!”
“No it is not! It is woomba! WOOMBA!”
Unable to resist, the consultant strolled over to them and said “Actually the word you are looking for is womb! W O M B.” and strolled on his way.
The first African turned to the second and said “What is he talking about, I bet he has never even seen a hippopotamus nevermind heard one fart underwater!”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A girl and her little brother are attending the first day of elementary school in a one-room country school.
The teacher tells all the students to stand and give their names. When it’s the sister’s turn, she stands and says, “My name is Snotty Jones.”
“No,” says the teacher. “I don’t want you to give us your nickname, I want your real given name.”
“But, teacher,” says the girl, “That IS my real name! Everybody has called me that for my whole life!”
“Well, that’s just not possible, and if you don’t know what the name on your birth certificate is, I’m going to have to send you home to get it.”
“Okay, I guess that’s what I have to do,” the girl says and gathers her belongings.
As she walks by her little brother’s desk, she says, “C’mon, Shitty, she’s not going to believe you, either.”
The teacher tells all the students to stand and give their names. When it’s the sister’s turn, she stands and says, “My name is Snotty Jones.”
“No,” says the teacher. “I don’t want you to give us your nickname, I want your real given name.”
“But, teacher,” says the girl, “That IS my real name! Everybody has called me that for my whole life!”
“Well, that’s just not possible, and if you don’t know what the name on your birth certificate is, I’m going to have to send you home to get it.”
“Okay, I guess that’s what I have to do,” the girl says and gathers her belongings.
As she walks by her little brother’s desk, she says, “C’mon, Shitty, she’s not going to believe you, either.”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I asked the librarian for a book on curing constipation.
She said, "It comes out in a week or two."