Joke thread

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

I walked into B&Q this morning and a worker wearing an orange company outfit came up and asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and floored the twat, I just thought I'd warn others to be on your guard....

 

[Blue Mist]

I walked into B&Q this morning and a worker wearing an orange company outfit came up and asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and floored the twat, I just thought I'd warn others to be on your guard....

They do say the old ones are the best.






Unfortunately this 'joke' is the exception that proves the rule.

 

[jimharri]

I was working in a library and this bloke came in and said "Have you got a bookmark?"
I said "We've got hundreds of them but my name is Tim"

I was working in a library and this bloke came in and said "Have you got a bookmark?"
I said "Yeah..War and Peace, 3 out of 10"

I was working in a library and this bloke came in and said "Have you got a bookmark?"
I said "See this bruise? Somebody hit me with a bible."

I was working in a library and this bloke came in and said "Have you got a bookmark?"
I said "As a qualified referee I feel Mark deserved his yellow card, so yes I've got to book Mark.



sorry

I'm glad you aplogised because I was getting in my car to hunt you down

***tunes into loose women,unzips fly.... ****

Is Colleen Nolan still on there? MILF-able!

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Apparetly a carton of cream was found next to Peaches, prompting the police to believe that she did top herself.

 

[Carstairs]

haha

10/10

 

[moonshiner]

WARNING. There is a virus going around on facebook where you get an inbox claiming you've won a years supply of meat. If you get one ignore it........ It's spam.

 

[ali benarbia's studs]

***tunes into loose women,unzips fly.... ****

Is Colleen Nolan still on there? MILF-able!

ahhh..... twas a reference to corky.

never ever watched it jim!?

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

She was only the Yorkshireman's daughter, but she liked her uddersfield.

She was only the cricketer's daughter but she knew how to handle a full toss.

She was only the tobacconist's daughter, but she was the best bit of shag in the shop.

She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but she laid on the slab and said fillet.

 

[kashmir]

She was only the Admirals daughter but her naval was always full of discharged seamen

 

[mad4city]

He was only a butcher's son but he soon had a steak in the joint.