Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I saw a wig for sale in a shop today, it was only 50p.

I thought, that's a small price toupee

 

[lawton mellor]

View attachment 136474

I think its a Fjord not a chevy

 

[Lavinda Past]

The 2024 MTV EMAs in Manchester will be hosted by Rita Ora.

Or a what?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I fitted a carpet for Speedy Gonzales yesterday, and the cheeky fucker called me up today saying it's not soft enough.

I said 'I've used the best quality carpet, what more do you want?'

'Underlay, underlay!' He replied.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Sam101]

I'm pretty sure that the best cure for a persistent cough is to stop drinking milk.


My elderly neighbour had a terrible, hacking cough for months on end, but since he started just leaving his milk on his doorstep a couple of weeks ago, it seems to have cleared up completely.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've had enough of Amazon.

Every time I order chicken pellets I get an email a few days later asking for their feed back!

 

[Lavinda Past]

My dog's just broken a mirror.

That's 49 years of bad luck.