Joke thread

[TangerineSteve17]

I just got caught from being on the run from the police for nearly 10 years. I was absolutely knackered.

My mates love it when I let them push me down the hill. It's just the way I roll.

My wife said, "How would you like me to go upstairs and put on a black lacy number?" I said, "I'd rather you didn't. I fucking hate Agadoo".

 

[TangerineSteve17]

My wife is a mute. She communicates via embroidery. It's her own version of sign language, sew to speak.

A lot of people cry while chopping onions. The trick is not to get emotionally attached.

I stood on a banana skin today...fuck all happened.

 

[TommoCTID]

3 Priests on the Titanic when it was going down, the 1st one shouts, 'Save the Children, Save the Children!'

The 2nd Priest shouts 'Fuck the Children, Fuck the Children!'

The 3rd one shouts "Have we got time?'

 

[mrcunny]

So, off to Sudan for our hols next week. Thought it only fair that I inform the authorities that the wife married a Christian.

 

[blue12]

3 Priests on the Titanic when it was going down, the 1st one shouts, 'Save the Children, Save the Children!'

The 2nd Priest shouts 'Fuck the Chikdren, Fuck the Children!'

The 3rd one shouts "Have we got time?'

 

[Lavinda Past]

3 Priests on the Titanic when it was going down, the 1st one shouts, 'Save the Children, Save the Children!'

The 2nd Priest shouts 'Fuck the Chikdren, Fuck the Children!'

The 3rd one shouts "Have we got time?'

It was funnier when Tommo told it.

 

[TommoCTID]

3 Priests on the Titanic when it was going down, the 1st one shouts, 'Save the Children, Save the Children!'

The 2nd Priest shouts 'Fuck the Chikdren, Fuck the Children!'

The 3rd one shouts "Have we got time?'

Thankyou for spotting the typo mate, that 6th vodka lastnite seemed to have an impact on my keyboard strokes, I sincerely apologise if this ruined your enjoyment of my comedical entertainment, post edited.

 

[Ste1969]

My wife has recently decided to try her hand at cooking and today handed me one of her freshly baked cookies, "Now be brutally honest." She smiled, "I'm open to criticism."

I said, "They're quite nice, you fat ****."

 

[garymj]

quasimodo lying, dying on the steps of notre dame, "esmerelda, when I said toss me off, I did'nt mean to toss me off",

 

[Lavinda Past]

quasimodo lying, dying on the steps of notre dame, "esmerelda, when I said toss me off, I did'nt mean to toss me off",

Was he still alive when she eventually got down from the bell tower, or did she just have super hearing?

I need to know.