Joke thread

Sent to me by an American friend.....Interesting perspective from overseas.

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The USA is sending troops to help keep the peace.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending clothing.

New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

Great Britiain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.
 
Well you're to blame TGR I'm afraid.


I texted my girlfriend "I love 2'clock see is fine, ya honey at McDonalds x," She broke up with me, she said I was sending her mixed messages.


I think I've dislocated something, it hurts :(...... Oh no there it is! I found my late wife's photograph.

My fireplace business went bust. I said to my assistant "Break up all of these fire surrounds and throw them away"
He said "Do you mean Dismantle?"
I said "ALL OF THEM, are you deaf!?

I'm so sick of my wife! She keeps on telling me that I drive too fast. Well I've had enough. I'm putting my foot down.
 
Ronald Regan, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton are on a visit to the Wizard of Oz. After the grand tour, The Wizard says to them, "As is the custom extended to all
visitors, you can each have any wish you want, and I will fulfill it for you."
"OK," says Regan, "People think I'm stupid, so I'll have a brain''.The Wizard gives him a brain, and Ronnie heads home contented.
"Right," says Bush, "People think I'm heartless, so I'll have a heart''. The Wizard gives him his heart and he goes back to Texas a happy camper.
The Wizard turns to Clinton and says "Well Bill, what do you want?" Clinton looks around and says "Where's Dorothy?"
 
I'm married to a ballerina from Helsinki. I've always loved a little finesse.

I said to my mate "I want to be with a woman, but I can't afford escort services."
He said "What year do you live in? Women aren't impressed with Ford Escort mate."

I love those games where you have to tilt marbles through a labyrinth. They're amazeballs! (I've never used that word before)

I didn't have any beer in, so I thought I'd go to the pub in town. Cost me £10 to put half a litre of petrol in my car. It's enough to drive you to drink!
 
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