Joke thread

[Anonymous]

a bloke threw yoghurt milk and some cheese at me yesterday.i thought how dairy

I was in a restaurant and a bloke threw his soup at me. I said "what are you playing at?"

He said "that's just for starters"

 

[supercity88]

I'm married to a ballerina from Helsinki. I've always loved a little finesse.

I said to my mate "I want to be with a woman, but I can't afford escort services."
He said "What year do you live in? Women aren't impressed with Ford Escort mate."

I love those games where you have to tilt marbles through a labyrinth. They're amazeballs! (I've never used that word before)

I didn't have any beer in, so I thought I'd go to the pub in town. Cost me £10 to put half a litre of petrol in my car. It's enough to drive you to drink!

You're getting worse!!!

 

[jimharri]

I'm married to a ballerina from Helsinki. I've always loved a little finesse.

I said to my mate "I want to be with a woman, but I can't afford escort services."
He said "What year do you live in? Women aren't impressed with Ford Escort mate."

I love those games where you have to tilt marbles through a labyrinth. They're amazeballs! (I've never used that word before)

I didn't have any beer in, so I thought I'd go to the pub in town. Cost me £10 to put half a litre of petrol in my car. It's enough to drive you to drink!

You're getting worse!!!

Is that even possible?

 

[jimharri]

I'm married to a ballerina from Helsinki. I've always loved a little finesse.

I said to my mate "I want to be with a woman, but I can't afford escort services."
He said "What year do you live in? Women aren't impressed with Ford Escort mate."

I love those games where you have to tilt marbles through a labyrinth. They're amazeballs! (I've never used that word before)

I didn't have any beer in, so I thought I'd go to the pub in town. Cost me £10 to put half a litre of petrol in my car. It's enough to drive you to drink!

You're getting worse!!!

Is that even possible?

 

[jimharri]

I'm married to a ballerina from Helsinki. I've always loved a little finesse.

I said to my mate "I want to be with a woman, but I can't afford escort services."
He said "What year do you live in? Women aren't impressed with Ford Escort mate."

I love those games where you have to tilt marbles through a labyrinth. They're amazeballs! (I've never used that word before)

I didn't have any beer in, so I thought I'd go to the pub in town. Cost me £10 to put half a litre of petrol in my car. It's enough to drive you to drink!

You're getting worse!!!

Is that even possible?

 

[kywc84]

So bad, you said it thrice?

 

[TangerineSteve17]

You're getting worse!!!

Is that even possible?

You haven't seen the ones I don't post!

a bloke threw yoghurt milk and some cheese at me yesterday.i thought how dairy

This had me giggling this morning :)


I know why Laurel and Hardy were so successful. It was because Oliver never fell asleep on Stan.

My girlfriend has an 8 foot light-switch. It's a huge turn off. But when she wants to turn it on, it takes 8 of us to do it. Well many hands make light work.

I said to my mate "How did you manage to glue those dominoes together into a cube like that?"
He gave me a strange look and said "Die."
He's not a close friend.

 

[mrcunny]

My parents always used to sit and listen to Cliff Richard when I was younger.
Instead of actually coming in my room and stopping him.

 

[sir baconface]

Waiter, what's this cockroach doing on my ice cream?

Skiing sir.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Nigel Mansell was an out and out racist. He was always trying to overtake the car in front on the outside.

My mate is an Olympic long jumper. He really throws himself into his work.

It only took me 3 weeks to get my degree in sugar-making. I granulated early.